By now you must have heard, some idiots have gone and re-written the bible to be more gay friendly and they call it, the Queen James Bible. I am not making this up.
CMR got a sneak peak and we can report that in the “Gay” version of the Bible certain passages to got extra emphasis, were re-interpreted, some redacted, and some even re-written.
“Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” [That is not what that means!]
“These were the spoils which remained of the plunder taken by the fighting men: 675,000 sheep, 72,000 cattle, 61,000 donkeys, and as for persons, 32,000 young women who had had no intercourse with a man.” –Numbers 31:32. [ Real quote. Ok, I am not really sure what is going on with this quote, but it just doesn’t sound right.]
“When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.” Deut. 25:11. [Huh?]
But this one got redacted. “Look, I have two daughters, virgins both of them. Let me bring them out to you and you could do what you like with them. But do nothing to these men because they have come under the shelter of my roof.” [That did not end well for the gays involved, if you remember. This got cut.]
“Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you bald head! Go up, you bald head!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the Lord. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. “ [Not sure why they included this one. But it is kinda cool. They got eaten by bears.]
“As soon as he finished saying all this, the ground under them split apart and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them” [Stop it now!]
“Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.” Ezekiel 23:19. [ What? I mean…what?]
[But some passages were completely re-written.]
“Greater love hath no man than to lay down for his friends.”
[That’s just wrong.]