In a talk to the United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon (which is only a slightly less awesome name than Boutros Boutros Ghali) as well as several of his international lackeys, Pope Francis spoke extensively about the plight of the poor but suddenly attempted to co-opt the UN into the Catholic Church’s War on Women.

Shameless, right?

Just a week after being called out as promoting “torture” by the UN with all his “every life is like super sacred or something” rhetoric, Pope Francis reportedly told the UN that “life is sacred and inviolable from conception to natural death.”

Whoa, what’s with this guy, huh? I’m thinking if the Pope keeps this up he’ll be facing an international Hate Crime Tribunal. And there’s only one thing worse than a hate crime tribunal and that’s an INTERNATIONAL hate crime tribunal.

Presumably, the UN ignored the Pope’s crazy talk about life. The UN all clapped like trained seals about talk about the redistribution of wealth but cleverly assumed that the pope was just “dog whistling” the extreme right base of the Church.

But I’m serious you guys, if the Pope keeps this up there will be no more Rolling Stone covers for him. They’ll be forced just to put Dzhokhar Tsarnaev back on the cover.