Teachers in a Nebraska school district have been told to not refer to children as boys and girls but instead as things like “purple penguins.” I don’t even know what that means. Anyway, what would happen if one of the kids insisted they were a red penguin and wouldn’t come to story time until the teacher acknowledged the redness of their interior penguin essence? They could say “I may appear to be a purple penguin but in my mind I am very much red. Bright freaking red. Please acknowledge it or you better call your union rep because I’m about to have an army of sensitivity trainers crawling around this kindergarten and contacting the media about how you’re anti-penguin.”

We’d need metaphorical identity sensitivity training, right?

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