A priest’s sock puppet has been caught secretly hearing confessions in a downtown Philadelphia Catholic Church.
The puppet, introduced to the church during a homily six years ago by Fr. Michael McBrien has recently become a mainstay of Mass. “Father Doozy” wears a Roman collar and speaks in a high pitched shrill voice and often reminds everyone not to eat too much candy.
The dozens of parishioners who said they’ve gone to confession over the past six years all said they all still like “Father Doozy” but feel he definitely crossed a line.
Fr. Doozy would often be taken out of his drawer during homilies, especially those sermons which were focused towards children. “The kids love the puppet,” said Fr. McBrien. “Look, our church has to stay relevant and Fr. Doozy helps us do that. Sometimes I bring out my guitar and me and Fr. Doozy sing duets of old Peter, Paul and Mary songs but I change the lyrics up a little to make them more hip.”
The puppet confession scandal would seem to date back years as Fr. McBrien said he actually hasn’t heard a confession in six years. “I didn’t think we did that anymore,” admitted Fr. McBrien. “I thought Vatican II did away with all that stuff.”
The priest assured parishioners that the confessions heard by Father Doozy are still valid though. “You know it’s like those people were talking to God and yeah Father Doozy isn’t really a priest but as long as those people found truth in what Father Doozy said then that’s cool.”
The local bishop put out a statement to parishioners: “If you confessed your sins and the priest screeched, ‘Whoa that’s a doozy’ (which is the puppet’s catchphrase) then it was probably the puppet. Or if your penance was three cartwheels and a trip to Chuck E. Cheese then your confession was probably heard by a sock puppet.”
Fr. McBrien said the puppet would surely apologize to the congregation but not during the homily. “The homily is a little too important to interrupt,” said Fr. McBrien. “Fr. Doozy will likely make an announcement right before Communion.”
April 25, 2008 at 1:18 pm
That’s hilarious. But hey, at least some people were showing up for confession 😉
April 25, 2008 at 3:34 pm
So that wasn’t a joke?
My goodness, that’s horrifying.
April 25, 2008 at 5:02 pm
That was definitely a joke….But the fact that it’s hard to tell is a sign of how crazy things have gotten, isn’t it?
April 25, 2008 at 6:22 pm
“Look, our church has to stay relevant and Fr. Doozy helps us do that. Sometimes I bring out my guitar and me [sic] and Fr. Doozy sing duets of old Peter, Paul and Mary songs but I change the lyrics up a little to make them more hip.”
Yeah. Right. We stay “relevant” by using words that went out of fashion in the 70s (“relevant” “hip”) and by singing songs from the 60s by a group (Peter, Paul, and Mary—who must either be dead or in their eighties by now,,,) that not one little kid in a thousand has ever heard of.
“You know, it’s like those people were talking to God and, yeah, Father Doozy isn’t really a priest, but as long as those people found truth in what Father Doozy said, then that’s cool.”
Did Father have some kind of head trauma that resulted in his talking like a 17-year-old in the year 1968? Surely the inability to speak like an adult indicates some kind of pathology.
This guy’s a mess.
April 25, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Ok… Before you all jump on me for thinking this was the real thing, go here:
http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2008/feb/16/green-light/
and weep.
April 25, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Oh, wait! It gets even better!!!! Go here:
http://video.google.it/videoplay?docid=6881453724967530298&q=%22joe+kempf%22+homily&total=34&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=3
and, if you can manage it, stick with it to the very end.
(I’m on a roll…)
April 25, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Aquinas– The first link wasn’t bad…
but the second…
I don’t know whether to cry, scream, or puke my guts out.
Uck. I was praying that there was a mistake and the guy was Methodist or Episcopalian or something.
I feel dirty now. I’ll have to go download some Father Corapi or someting to feel better.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=pTHmn13v7Ts
Because if you’re trying to give glory to GOD, rather than yourself, you don’t need puppets..
April 25, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Aquinas,
I could swear this is the same priest who did a video that they show to the parents and children at my church prior to their first communion. He does this really bad ventriloquist thing with a hand puppet. Its almost impossible to sit through the entire thing without your head exploding (and I’ve had to sit through it twice now).
We also have an older priest who, after each homily, takes out a guitar and sings a little diddy – seriously. And he’s still better than the pastor who, in lieu of writing a homily, stands up and tells bad jokes and stories about his childhood. The Archdiocese thinks our parish is too conservative. Yeah, its pretty bad out here in the Arch. of Baltimore.
April 25, 2008 at 7:57 pm
That video makes my joke look weak. They say that reality is stranger than fiction. That proved it.
April 26, 2008 at 2:30 am
Happy to be of service, folks!
Deirdre,
Please know that you have one of the most beautiful names in all of Christendom. It reminds me of home—I was born and raised in Ireland…
All,
For spot-on commentary on Fr. Arrested Development and his little puppet friend, go here:
http://www.cwnews.com/offtherecord/offtherecord.cfm?task=singledisplay&recnum=4667
Matthew,
Great blog.
April 26, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Aquinas,
I don’t understand your criticism of Fr. Eric Andrews and his muppets. He doesn’t use the muppets when preaching. He doesn’t pretend that the muppets hear confessions. He doesn’t resemble at all the fictional priest in Matthew’s joke. He keeps the muppets in his office as momentos of his days working on “The Muppet Show,” where they serve as ice breakers for those who come to see him for whatever reason. What problem do you see in that?
Bob Hunt
April 26, 2008 at 3:05 pm
So we’re actually having a serious discussion about muppets being used by priests?
April 26, 2008 at 11:04 pm
The point is, Fr. Eric doesn’t “use” the muppets. He keeps muppets in his office as momentos from his former career. People come to see him in his office, they see the muppets, and it makes a connection. It starts a conversation. It breaks the ice. How this constitutes a sinister, heterodox plot to undermine the one, true faith is beyond me.
The article in knoxnews wasn’t even about the muppets, really. It was about how a young man with a successful and promising career in the entertainment industry heard the call and responded by giving his life in service to Christ and His Church.
There’s enough foolishness among clergy and laity. People don’t need to be trying to find trouble where there isn’t any.
Bob Hunt
September 4, 2009 at 3:52 pm
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