I am not sure of the process, but I want to propose a new law.
Honestly, I am not sure if it would be a Canon Law, State or Federal Law, or even some rule in some bloated bureaucracy somewhere, but I want this law. This law has been brewing in my head for sometime, every time in fact that some matron in a muʻumuʻu claim to the Catholic priesthood was reported as fact. Today I was set off by Maria Shriver’s claim to being a Catholic “in good standing” even though she doesn’t believe what the Church teaches. Enough I say. So I am going to do something about it.
The law would go something like this.
The following proposal was prepared pursuant to a resolution issued by the Creative Minority Report on 20 November 2008, adopted following the Declaration of Independence from Catholics in Name Only (DIC-NO), and in accordance with a requisition from the CMR executive (me).
The first draft was forwarded to the Executive Committee (Matt & Me) during its session of 20 November 2008. In this session, the CMR Executive Committee decided to submit the proposal for broad discussion within Catholic blogging circles. Accordingly, the Legal Committee of the Creative Minority Report held a meeting over tea and Entenmann’s cookies (the small chewy ones) in my kitchen to examine the proposal. The meeting was attended by the acting president of CMR (me), the Secretary of the Executive Committee (my daughters cabbage patch doll named Clarissa), and by a number of legal experts residing in my house, namely nobody. It was agreed to publish this proposal to the general interweb thingy for commentary and feedback before submitting it to the proper authorities for consideration.
General Provisions
Article 1.1 Be it resolved that any person, whether ordained, religious, or lay may not refer to themselves as Catholics in Good Standing if they do not actually go to church or believe what the Church teaches.
Be it also resolved, in addition to the above requirement, that in order to be recognized in public as a Catholic the individual making the claim of “Catholic” is obligated to sign, in the presence of a journalist and affirmed by a duly appointed notary public, a copy of the Catholic Catechism while positively affirming belief in all things contained therein. This obligation should be taken freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion.
If the party fails to comply with any of the above requirements, the party immediately forfeits the right to identify themselves in public as a Catholic. Failure to comply constitutes identity theft and is thereby punishable by all the applicable statutes and by a substantial sojourn in the deepest and darkest recesses of purgatory (whether you believe in purgatory or not.)
Article 1.2 Be it also resolved that no person, acting in the role of journalist, may refer to a person, whether by way of written word or by way of broadcast media, as a Catholic without proof of the proper steps outlined in in Article 1.1 under penalty of loss of journalistic integrity and being forced to work in a dying industry. [The authors of this proposal understand that this penalty is typically previously self imposed and therefore generally toothless. This penalty clause may need strengthening. Suggestions are welcome.]
Be it further resolved that no person, acting in the role of journalist, may refer to a person as a “Catholic” priest, unless that person has actually been properly ordained and is still recognized by THE Catholic Church.
No other ecclesiastical authority, whether real or fictional,, may be substituted for the ACTUAL Catholic Church. Send any and all inquiries as to the status of any claimant to the priesthood to the Congregation of Divine Clery at 00120 Via Del Pellegrino, Citta del Vaticano.
Maybe we can have George W. Bush issue this as an executive order in the waning days of his presidency. I fully realize that GWB has no authority to enforce the purgatory clause, but let’s face it. Many of these folks (if they are really lucky) may be headed there anyway.
November 21, 2008 at 12:19 am
Bishops are the only people in OUR church (this includes the pope) who can formally censure, excommunicate or issue any other punitive commands with regard to the church.
That is not relevant, since my stating that an abortionist is not a good Catholic is not a formal censure.
That said, your link is to the definition of “bishop.”
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/03527a.htm
would be a more fitting link if you want to talk about formal censure; it also clearly states that those below Bishops are able to formally censure– Legates and Abbots, for example.
Perhaps it would be less tiring if I didn’t request that you support your assertions?
November 21, 2008 at 1:08 am
We can only thank our bishops for this dismal state of affairs. As teachers of the Faith, they have failed miserably. Pray often and deeply that good bishops be appointed.
As for judging others: It’s true, we cannot. We can (and must), however, evaluate actions; else we’d never survive in this dangerous world.
–William
November 21, 2008 at 2:15 am
Sailor, no, I said tedious, not tiring. Case in point as you simply lack reasoning and reading comprehension to carry on a normal conversation. The link shows how the CHURCH, in this case the BISHOP is the arbitor of who is or isn’t a Catholic in good standing. The article I pointed you to (which SURPRISE! You didn’t read fully) states how the power of the bishop is to JUDGE (not you, not me…the BISHOP) in such matters.
So, once again, you are entitled to your ill-informed petty and tedious little opinions. But the CHURCH is the arbitor and FINAL SAY on who is or is not a Catholic in good standing. You have ZERO authority on the subject. Zip. NONE. NADA.
(insert Sailor’s subsequent tizzy here)
November 21, 2008 at 2:18 am
William, I agree with you on both accounts. But I will add that there are indeed some VERY good bishops, albeit precious few. But during the election, we did see them come out, didn’t we?
November 21, 2008 at 2:23 am
Deusdonat –
Please grow up.
November 21, 2008 at 2:27 am
Ah, now I remember you– you’re the guy who throws a fit when someone asks for any documentation for your assertions, then starts calling them names.
You know, you might have a much easier time of it if you’d just quote exactly what supports your statements, with citations, and avoid the name-calling when folks point out that something doesn’t say what you imply.
November 21, 2008 at 2:37 am
Raise your hand if you remember that this post was intended to be humorous?
I think this combox has officially been hijacked.
November 21, 2008 at 6:12 am
Don’t worry, cap’n! We’ll get ‘er back!
[i]In true Harrison Ford style, Nzie climbs back up her escape pod and starts shooting the hijackers– with her Vatican-issued JTB-2000 model Holy Water Super Soaker, Shock’n’God….. yes, I just went there….[/i]
November 21, 2008 at 12:22 pm
In the end… we will all be measured by the same reed.
Eternal by nature, this reed, this canon, whom most refer to as God, will ratify our choices.
The Author of Freedom, will confirn your “choice” in eternity.
“To choose to let choose”.
In that clause will be the eternaty of many.
Now… consider:
Eternity.
Consider the finality of Choice.
Consider FINALITY.
Finality is a choice.
November 21, 2008 at 2:52 pm
I tried, Patrick, I really did.
November 21, 2008 at 3:59 pm
It was a brave but futile effort, Nzie.
November 21, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Matthew, I undertood the humour, but only because I ALSO understand you are completely sound in your orthodoxy when it comes to Catholicism, which is why I come here. But as you can see, there are others who are…um…shall we say, not so mature in their knowledge of the faith they proclaim. Hence my comments.
November 21, 2008 at 4:44 pm
“…knowledge of the faith they proclaim.”
—-
I speak to _your_ shame.
Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you?
No.
Not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?
1Cor 6:5
November 21, 2008 at 6:29 pm
oh well..
On the bright side, I think the Holy Water Super Soaker and Shock’n’God have just made it into my imaginery-but-maybe-someday-real Catholic TV station.. Maybe Shock’n’God could be our lead Catholic sitcom…
~Zee
November 21, 2008 at 6:29 pm
This comment has been removed by the author.