Each year when Christmas rolls around, I try to find my wife the perfect gift. This year it is a lock, in the bag, guaranteed. A home run.
In previous years I have tried, with varying degrees of success, to find a gift for my wife that she will really love. Something that will show her that I love her, understand her, and care for her. Well, that is what I intend to do. But like with blind carrier pigeons, the message sometimes doesn’t get delivered.
Let me abuse a baseball metaphor for a moment. With the game on the line, I have learned that I simply can’t hit the home run. The home run is the gift that shows class, thought, and a clear sense of my beautiful wife’s impeccable taste. I’ve tried time and time again to hit the home run, and every time I strike out. A nice winter coat (returned), jewelry (banished to the jewelry box never, to be seen again), a dress (returned – after the laughter), clothing of all types (still have the tags on them). Point is, every time I swing for the fences, I strike out. So I have learned, that I am simply not a home run hitter.
So, rather that strike out again and again swinging for the fences, the last few years I have tried just to get on base. Singles or walks. Just don’t strike out. To hit the single, I rely on the one thing I know, stuff that plugs in. TV’s, DVD players, a laptop computer, an external hard drive.
Truth be told, the external hard drive was nearly a strike out but I pitched as a gift for storing pictures of the kids. You know, for the children. This merely got me a base on balls, but at least I didn’t strike out. This year, as I prepared to put my helmet on and come up again to bat, the coach told me that she was sending in a pinch hitter. Herself.
Yesterday, my wife held up a couple of bags that she brought home from shopping. She said, “I am putting these in your closet, they are gifts to me from you.”
“Huh?! You can’t do that!” I protested.
She replied, “You never know what to get me, so this year I thought I would help. Don’t worry, none of this stuff plugs in.”
Is this a girl thing? I can’t imagine any guy I know coming home with stuff for himself and telling his wife that she stinks so bad at getting gifts that he bought his own this year. If he did, he might as well buy a new couch for that is where he would be sleeping for the foreseeable future.
Anyway, I checked around and apparently my wife is not the only woman who gets away with this type of egregious insult. Other guys have been maligned in much the same way. This has to stop. Do any of you remember that it is the thought that counts?
So filled with righteous indignation, I approached my wife and told her in no uncertain terms that she cannot buy gifts for herself and say they are from me! No way. No how. She looked at me and said, “Fine, I will just keep this stuff anyway and you can buy me another gift.”
Can anyone recommend a good Blue-Ray player or perhaps an HDTV? I hear the LCD TV’s last longer than the plasma. What is the best pixel ratio?
December 9, 2008 at 6:12 am
Three words: gourmet cheese slicer
It says class. It says sophistication. It says, “No more annoying clumps at the base of the cheddar block.”
Boo-yah
December 9, 2008 at 10:30 am
Ooh.. or one of those awesome digital kitchen scales…. Instapundit reviewed them a few months ago! Awesome. (Or I’m just projecting… hmmm…)
Also, if she’s not allergic to fur, at christmas some of the upscale stores have rabbit-fur lined leather gloves!!!! Amazing!!!
(I almost bought a pair once in my college days… I still wish I had.. the’d be practical and luxurious when I’m scraping the car and clutching the icy steering wheel…..)
Also, jewelry is always nice.
(My husband and I usually buy each other a board game.. But our kids are still very young and we’re still on a very tight budget, so our combined gift really needs to come in under 30$)
December 9, 2008 at 11:04 am
Have you thought of asking her what she would like?
December 9, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Samsung 40 inch 1080p LCD HDTV,
Sony BDP-S350 Blu-Ray Player
connected with HDMI cables.
December 9, 2008 at 12:10 pm
That is a very sad story.
December 9, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Not to be the troll here, but you’re complaining?
Did you see the doghouse movie?
December 9, 2008 at 1:21 pm
My mom usually knows what to get for my dad, but he doesn’t always have the same skill in regards to gifts for her (that said, he has had a couple really good ones). So, she just tells him what she wants sometimes, and then he gets it for her. One year, they got each other the same gift – a cool clock that is a spinning light want that will flash the time, date, and a message of your choosing. It was inspired by a similar wall clock we had had that busted, though, so they knew each other liked the idea.
As far as your wife’s gift, why don’t you you peek through all the bags to get an idea of the sort of gift she likes? And if you look at it bewildered, I’m sure we feminine readers could give you a hand (easier yet if she doesn’t read this site much, because photos would help).
Here’s another idea: I think one of my dad’s home runs worked really well because he gave her really low expectations. It was one or two Christmases after he’d gotten a job again after a couple years unemployment/contract work, and naturally we’d cut back a lot during that time. So he bought her a claddagh with her birthstone as the heart, then put the box in a bag in a bigger box in a shopping bag in a bigger box and stuffed it with newspaper. I think he must’ve said something that made Mom think it was a sweater, because she kept saying stuff about the horrible sweater she knew she was getting. Then she was confused by all the packaging, and then when she got down to it it was actually a really nice gift.
I love thinking of stuff, so I may come back later with more ideas. Good luck!
~Zee
December 9, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Being a woman, myself, all I can say is, “Ha, ha, ha! You poor, poor man!”
We really can stick it to you guys, can’t we?!
December 9, 2008 at 2:06 pm
You know what works? You create a secret list all year round of things she makes comments about. Out shopping together she talks of an item, or while cooking she gives the “I wish I had…” statement and you secretly add it to her list. Let her know to come right out and tell you things to add to the list too. Then come Christmas, birthday, anniversary times you have a fool proof list from which to choose AND there are enough options for her to be surprised!
December 9, 2008 at 2:34 pm
The dog house movie is very funny. My husband really laughed at it.
I used to make a short list for my husband (complete with directions to the area of the store, stock number, price etc) and tell him to only pick out one or two things from the list. I would get what I want and its still a surprise.
That was early in our marriage, probably the first 10 years, give or take. Now I don’t make a list, I might send a link via e-mail or show him a catalog, but he pretty much comes up with gifts on his own. And I have to say he hit a home run for my B-day with an iPod. I never would have bought that for myself and I love it!
So take heart, keep trying, its all about getting to know each other better.
December 9, 2008 at 2:52 pm
My wife hints to me as well, but hasn’t ever just bought the gifts herself. And I agree about one thing – I would NEVER be able to get away with what she did there. I wouldn’t need a couch, but a space heater and a great sleeping bag for the back porch.
December 9, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Why not something sentimental, like having a family photo she loves put in a beautiful frame or finding a first edition (or nice newer edition) of a favorite book? (Her favorite book.) Or how about a really nice rosary? Good luck. Kit
December 9, 2008 at 3:37 pm
This year for St Nicholas’ feast day I asked my DH to “round out” the trinkets that would fill our shoes. In my shoe he put a Mass card that he arranged to be said at our parish in February for me and all of my intentions. I was blown away by the thoughtfulness.
Kathy
December 9, 2008 at 5:48 pm
My husband and I decided early in our marriage not to give each other Christmas gifts. His family did the big gift exchange (and we had little money), and my family, well, let's just say I remember more than once listening to my mom scream at my dad over her gifts and then refuse to talk to anyone the rest of the day. Not fun.
Over the years we've amended our decision to include inexpensive whimsey gifts: books, cd's, movies & comfort stuff like gloves & blankets. Anything big we want to get each other must be checked out in advace, like, "Oh, darling did you say you wanted to get me something special? That sweater on page 52 of the Bean catagogue in blue, size medium…," or "You know, if you were thinking about whether I need something special this year, Amazon is having a sale on that music collection I told you about. I bookmarked the page…."
Mostly we concentrate on the family and our kids, and enjoy being together. And discuss what we'll do when the tax return comes.
December 9, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Last year, my wife looked at me with the little twinkle in her eye and hinted that she wanted a little something black and chrome that would go from Zero to 300 the second she put her foot down.
Being the generous kind of husband that I am, I got her a really nice bathroom scale.
Please tell my wife that I miss her and that I am sorry.
December 9, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Wholly Roamin’ – that joke is completely wrong, but hilarious!
December 9, 2008 at 6:06 pm
What’s the doghouse movie?
December 9, 2008 at 6:10 pm
doghouse movie:
http://bewareofthedoghouse.com/videoPage.aspx
December 9, 2008 at 7:20 pm
I’ve been there too, only I’m the wife. It’s been better the last few years, but usually he has something very specific in mind and everything else is a let down. My mind reading skills are sub par.
We’ve done the buy-your-own gift before, but my preference is the LIST. Spouses swap a list of three (or more) specific (as in size, color, store, etc.) things that would be a pleasure to open at Christmas. It’s still a surprise (which one will it be???) but not a total disappointment.
December 9, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Patrick, I feel really sorry for you. I would be pretty upset if I were in your position. Definetly a Thanksgiving present for your wife next year is a stack of catalogues and a highlighter.