Picture. (In the not so distant future.)

I am a professional young man in his 20’s. I just met this girl and she is quite attractive. We meet to have a few drinks. One thing leads to another and, well, you know. We talk a few times after that but it just doesn’t seem to be working, so I don’t call her back anymore.

A few weeks later she calls me at work and says we need to talk. “What for?”

“Just meet me.”

I met her at Starbucks’s after work and she looks like she might have been crying. After an awkward hug and a kiss, we sit down with our drinks and then blammo…

“I am pregnant.”

I paused for a moment and then said, “Ok. Why tell me?”

“Well, its your baby and I thought you would want to know. After all, you are responsible.”

“Whoa, hold on there. I am not responsible for anything. This was your choice.”

“It takes two, or don’t you remember?”

“Sorry, but this is only your healthcare issue.”

“It’s not a healthcare issue, it’s a baby!”

“Oh no it’s not. It’s a healthcare issue and not my problem. You have access to government mandated and subsidized free birth control. There was no reason for this to happen. This is entirely up to you.”

“You never asked me if I was on birth control. We got caught up and…”

“I am sorry you feel this way but it is not my problem. You are responsible for your own healthcare, not me. You get birth control for free, there is no impediment to you getting it. If you choose not to use it or use it incorrectly, I can’t be held responsible for that. If you have a healthcare problem now, don’t blame me, blame yourself.”

“It’s not a healthcare problem, it’s not a disease, it’s a baby!”

“Sorry, not according to the government. This is a preventable health condition, the cure for which you get for for free courtesy of my tax dollars. How can I possibly be held responsible for your negligence in the prevention of a freely preventable disease?”

“Stop saying that! You can’t do this! I will sue for paternity!”

“Go ahead and try. Dozens of cases just like this have already been heard around the country in the last 2 years. In each and every case the court has found that given the government mandated and pervasive free access to birth control, men have a reasonable expectation that women are able to protect themselves from this disease. You can’t punish me with a baby because of your negligence. You do remember that I am a lawyer, right?”

“You are a monster!”

“Listen. It has been real. Do me a favor, lose my number.”