With he Catholic Church so much in the news these days, we have a real opportunity to explain the Church to those unfamiliar.  Problem is, most people don’t have a frame of reference for understanding the Church.  But I think I can solve that problem.

I have developed this handy guide to explain Catholic terms to non-Catholics in with a frame of reference that everyone can understand.

Think of the Church as a Car Company.  He is a glossary of common terms.

Confession: The repair department. For the measly price of a few ‘Our Fathers’, ‘Haily Marys’, and repentance you can have your car returned to factory condition.

Protestant: 500 years ago, mistaking the owners manual for the manufacturer, created their own breakaway companies convinced they could build a better car.  After years of trying and many other spinoff companies, they successfully created thousands of mopeds.  Shockingly, sales plummeted.

Rad-Trad: Can tell you the exact timing on every model for the last 2,000 years and which options are available with each model.  Yet for all this knowledge and affection, he rarely takes it out for a spin.
Progressive: Demands to see some modern improvements to the latest model.  Wants to remove the engine, windshield, two wheels, and the steering column.  When you explain to them that all that would be left would be the same mopeds that the protestants created and that nobody wants, their eyes gloss over and they just keep repeating, “Shiny, my shiny!”

Jesuits: Used to be our best salesmen, but …

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*subhead*The Catholic Owner’s Manual.*subhead*