Patrick & Matthew Archbold  ·  Published since 2005 Wednesday, 23 September 2026

Creative
Minority Report

We Laugh Because We Believe

Set in two inks Black for the argument. Red for everything the Church already answered.

I Would Like To Thank “He Who Must Not Be Named”

If ever I was smart enough to give a speech under such ludicrous circumstances, I would make say the phrase “He Who Must Not Be Named” as many times as possible.

A professor at a public university in North Carolina forbade his students from thanking God in personal statements that will be delivered during their departmental graduation ceremony on Friday.

Artist Depiction of Professor Hvastkovs

In an email obtained by Campus Reform, Assistant Professor Eli Hvastkovs, who teaches chemistry at East Carolina University (ECU), instructed his students to prepare a “family friendly” 35­ word personal statement that mentions future plans or “thanks someone.” The students, however, were explicitly forbidden from thanking God.

“I’ve had some submissions that needed to be edited. so [sic] here are some guidelines,” the email reads. “1. You can’t thank God. I’m sorry about this – and I don’t want to have to outline the reasons why.”

I love the cowardice of this quote “and I don’t want to have to outline the reasons why.”

ht Deacon’s Bench

*subhead*Absurd.*subhead*

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