The American Civil Liberties Union of Ohio is against the death penalty. Me too. They are also outraged that a May 24 execution of an inmate came a record-setting 16 minutes after the toxic drugs began to flow. Me too.

They are very upset that Dr. Alan Doerhoff, a participant in Missouri’s execution process, had been sued for malpractice 20 times. That upsets me too -but for different reasons. 20 malpractice cases isn’t nearly enough.

If you’re against the death penalty wouldn’t getting the worst doctor in the world be a good thing. The ACLU and a commission created to study the incident are calling for more training and better protocols for executioners. NO! If I end up on death row I want alcoholic prison guards, a narcileptic warden, the doctor who graduated last from a Tijuana medical school, and a blind executioner.

The last thing I’d want if I was on death row is the ACLU, who’s supposed to be on my side, telling me, “Don’t worry the guys who are gonna kill you are really good at their job.”