Senator John McCain vociferously defended the institution of marriage today. If only he had come up with this ingenious intellectual argument which moves everyone who hears it to tears, then gay marriage never would’ve dared rear its head.

McCain was on the daytime show “Ellen” today. The host, Ellen Degeneres, a lesbian (for those who have had their heads buried in the sand for the last seven years), asked the Republican Presidential nominee about his thoughts on gay marriage.

Watch how McCain stands up for the culture and explains in detail the obvious difference between marriage and “gay marriage.”

SENATOR JOHN McCAIN: Well, my thoughts are that I think that people should be able to enter into legal agreements, and I think that that is something that we be should encouraging, particularly in the case of insurance and other areas, decisions that have to be made. I just believe in the unique status of marriage between man and woman. And I know that we have a respectful disagreement on that issue.

Wow. If I had any doubts about that issue, they’re gone now.

But seriously, that answer was just soooo weak. I mean, just by reading it I’m almost half-gay. I’m already looking for a neighbor to spoon with. Did McCain not know he was going to be asked about gay marriage? HE WAS GOING ON “ELLEN!”

Then, of course, Ellen smacks it out of the park by framing it as a civil rights issue and making McCain look like the George Wallace of homosexuals. McCain also acts as if this is the first time he’s heard of this issue, and is muy uncomfortable.

ELLEN DeGENERES: Yeah, I mean, I think that it’s — it is looked at — and some people are saying the same — that blacks and women did not have the right to vote. I mean, women just got the right to vote in 1920. Blacks didn’t have the right to vote until 1870. And it just feels like there is this old way of thinking that we are not all the same. We are all the same people, all of us. You’re no different than I am. Our love is the same. To me — to me, what it feels like — just, you know, I will speak for myself — it feels — when someone says, “You can have a contract, and you’ll still have insurance, and you’ll get all that,” it sounds to me like saying, “Well, you can sit there; you just can’t sit there.” That’s what it sounds like to me. It feels like — it doesn’t feel inclusive…It feels — it feels isolated. It feels like we are not — you know, we aren’t owed the same things and the same wording.

SENATOR JOHN McCAIN: Well, I’ve heard you articulate that position in a very eloquent fashion. We just have a disagreement. And I, along with many, many others, wish you every happiness.

Don’t you feel like McCain would be a lot more at home articulating why he believes the War in Iraq was a good idea than discussing gay marriage. This is what worries the heck out of me about McCain. He was so easily painted into a caricature of a dinosaur who is simply “uncomfortable” with the gay thing and therefore wants to make it illegal. By saying it was just a “disagreement” he legitimizes her position.

If he can’t defend his thoughts on this, it could be that he really he doesn’t think gay marriage is a bad idea or he has no real conviction about this issue at all.