CMR’s writers Patrick and Matthew Archbold (hereafter referred to as “The talent”) are furious at the executive board at CMR Inc. which has only just discovered yesterday that the blog is caught up in a virtual cage match with other bloggers at the Bloggers Choice Awards -even though the contest has been going on for weeks.
The CMR board has been “vanished” Politburo style and because of the extreme late hour that we are beginning campaigning, CMR has been forced to endorse extreme Democratic Party tactics to defeat all comers in the upcoming “Blogger’s Choice Awards.”
(If you are a relative of a “vanished” board member, CMR holds no legal liability because they really really deserved it. One unrelated request: If anyone knows how to clean woodchippers, please let us know.)
But this is clearly an unprecedented crisis in the blogosphere. If you don’t act now, the blogosphere may never recover. Because of this crisis, CMR is reacting to the crisis with some moderate election year maneuvers of Democrats to save the blogosphere from disgrace:
A) CMR will now seek to have perfectly fine and legal ballots nullified for no other reason than that we didn’t like the vote.
B) Vote early and often.
C) Negative campaign tactics such as spreading rumors about other bloggers like LarryD of Acts of the Apostasy and his as of yet unsubstantiated fundraiser for Gov. Blagojevich.
D) Any ballots from the military will be disqualified.
E) Prisoners and felons will be encouraged to vote.
F) Illegal immigrants will be granted “new” papers in order to be eligible to vote.
G) CMR retains the right to take the case to the courts which we’ve already stacked with CMR sympathetic judges.
H) CMR has recently discovered dozens of ballots in the trunk of our car which should be turned in to the Blogger’s Choice Awards and deemed perfectly legal.
I) Black Panthers will be “guarding” the entranceways to the voting booths to ensure safety.
So be sure to vote for CMR for Best Religious blog and Best Humor blog at the Blogger’s Choice Awards or else…No justice. No peace.