Hollywood is once again planning on extending its diseased covetous fingers back into my childhood memories to plunder and despoil them for their own malicious needs.
The pealing bells that hearken me back to childhood are once again being perverted into the ding of cash registers by Hollywood.
Isn’t it bad enough that Opie/Richie Cunningham turned into a Dan Brown lackey, but now this? ExtraTV reports:
At last night’s premiere of the new film “Valentine’s Day,” director Garry Marshall hinted to “Extra’s” Mario Lopez about a possible “Laverne and Shirley” movie starring Jennifer Garner and Jessica Biel.
“We’re gonna work on that,” Marshall said of the idea of doing a remake. “My sister Penny and Cindy are gonna have a guest cameo. They’re gonna walk “schlemiel, schlemazel” — or they’re gonna get tired in the middle and sit down.”
Jennifer Garner and Jessica Biel? Seriously? Who’ll play “The Big Ragu” in this milquetoast tragicomedy? Clay Aiken? I foresee a horrid future with David Arquette as Squiggy?
Please. Please Hollywood leave my childhood alone.
You know, when I look back now on Dukes of Hazard these profit mongers in Hollywood have reached back into time and replaced Tom Wopat with that dude from Jackass. That’s not an even trade folks. Not even close. I want my Wopat back. And Jessica Simpson instead of Catherine Bach? Well, that’s kind of an equal trade…but still you know what I mean.
When I see Inspector Gadget you know who unconsciously and unbidden breaks and enters my head? Matthew Broderick! I don’t want Matthew Broderick in my head. Nobody wants Matthew Broderick in their head. Nobody. People have sued for less. A lot less.
At one time I investigated having all Jar Jar Binks and Matthew Broderick memories erased from my mind. (The surgery, always risky and imprecise, was unsuccessful but oddly I don’t remember anyone in my second grade class and I suffer acid reflux whenever Eddie and the Cruisers II comes on -even if I’m not watching it.)
I vow that even if this Laverne and Shirley movie gets four stars, nominated for multiple Oscars, starts healing lepers in Milwaukee I will not see this movie. You can summon me but I will not serve. Not me. No way.
Penny Marshall will always be Laverne.
Cindy Williams will always be Shirley.
And the dude who played Squiggy will always be Squiggy.
(However, I probably will see the A-team even though it runs counter to everything I said before. What? What?!)
February 11, 2010 at 9:38 pm
And the saddest thing is that not one of these remakes from our childhood (I'm probably only a bit younger than you, Matthew) has been even remotely funny or even successful. You then ask Millenials who've never seen the originals to watch an episode after watching these terrible remakes and they invariably say "Dude, the original is so much better than that crap I just wasted $9 on!"
Can't vouch for your taste w/ the new A-Team remake, either! The new B.A. Baracus looks like a total clown in the trailer I saw–like a bad hair day for the original, Mr. T!
February 11, 2010 at 10:08 pm
Sadly, I just realized that I still have the entire L&S theme song memorized…THE HORROR!!!
What were my parents thinking letting me WATCH this stuff…all anyone ever worried about on Happy Days & L&S was Learning how to open bras and how to be as "cool" (read experienced) as Fonzie…sad. I don't even let my kids watch Brady Bunch reruns if the oldest kids have reached puberty…it was all downhill after that.
I guess those shows weren't as bad as
Love American Style
The Love Boat or
Laugh In 🙂
February 11, 2010 at 11:39 pm
What?! They're re-doing "The A-Team"??
February 11, 2010 at 11:40 pm
"And Jessica Simpson instead of Catherine Bach? Well, that's kind of an equal trade…" No it is not, shame on you! Catherine Bach had and still has class. She has been married for almost twenty years, is the mother of two, and she uses her fame for philanthropic ventures. Jessica Simpson on the other hand… scandal, scandal, scandal,that is why she is famous.
February 11, 2010 at 11:54 pm
Okay, I just watched the trailer for the new A-Team movie, and I have to say I'm inclined to give it a shot. Mostly, in the movie world, I'm waiting on the next installment of _The Chronicles of Narnia_–_The Voyage of the Dawn Treader_–even though they strayed quite a ways from the text for _Prince Caspian_, and I'm sure they'll do the same with _Voyage_. Still . . . gotta see it (if I can).
Same goes for _The Hobbit_, when it's finally done.
February 12, 2010 at 1:23 am
Laverne and Shirley was actually pretty Avante Guard and had a lot of 2nd-level humor to it which thumbed its nose at the censors of the time. Since "In Living Color" and "Seinfeld" came out, you can't get away with that subtle innuendo and humor anymore. It all has to be in-your-face and out there. In other words, no matter however good the writing MAY be in the movie (and I'm sure we all have our sincere and justified doubts here) you cannot recreate innocence lost.
February 12, 2010 at 6:03 am
You want to forget "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" Huh… I can deal with having memories of "The Producers" and "Inspector Gadget" in order to have memories of "Bueller…. Bueller…"
February 12, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Here, here Robert! As a Gen-Xer one of my favorite movies was Ferris Bueller! I loved Jennifer Grey in that movie as welL!