Cardinal Baffling of Gotham City has staunchly right-wing Catholics foaming at the mouth after his invitation to the Devil to attend a Catholic fundraiser.
Ultra-conservative Catholic groups have criticized Cardinal Baffling for extending an invitation to Mr. Satan for the “Jesus Saves Dinner.” The annual dinner is dedicated to raising funds and awareness for those committed to saving souls from Hell.
“The invitation is an outrage and completely undermines the message and the cause of the dinner,” says Mr. Incredulous of the Catholic League of People Opposing the Devil. Mr. Incredulous continued, “How can Cardinal Baffling say on the one hand that he and the Church oppose the Devil and all his works, and then at the same time invite that very same Devil to a Catholic event? It makes no sense!”
Diocese of Gotham spokesman, Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf, responded by saying “This is a non-Partisan event and if the Devil is willing to attend a Catholic fundraiser, the Cardinal is happy to have him. Gotham Cardinals have a history of inviting both sides in the ongoing dialogue between good and evil.”
The spokesperson for the Leadership Conference of Women Religious, Sister Infedelia L.G.B.T., applauded the invitation. “We think it is wonderful that the Cardinal invited Mr. Satan to the dinner. It just goes to show what we have been saying all along. That you can embrace something at the same time you say you oppose it.”
“How does it help the cause to have the Cardinal have an all-smiles photo-op with the Devil when the Cardinal is supposed to be locked in an all-hands battle against the Devil to save souls?” said ultra-right-wing conservative Catholic blogger Patrick Archbold. “Doesn’t he think the Devil will happily distribute that picture to everyone to show that the Catholic Church is not really opposed to the Devil after all? Of course he will! He’s the Devil!”
Mr. Saeed al-Sahhaf says that the dinner “is an evening to put politics aside and come together in a spirit of civility. After all, this is a light-hearted event.”
As if to confirm this statement, the Devil could be heard laughing.