Big Brother is watching.

For Father’s Day my wife got me a ring. Nice, right? Nope. This ring monitors my health. Tells me how many steps I took. Tell me my blood pressure. The amount of REM sleep. Everything.

This is like when Sauron gave the rings of power away. He wasn’t being nice. He was bringing them in under his spell. Not that my wife is Sauron but…

Anyway, I’ve spent my entire life ignoring my health, what made my wife think I was interested now. Here’s the thing. She’s interested.

I have no interest at knowing that I’ve only taken 37 steps all day. Hey, honey, if you want me to get more steps in you should’ve put the refrigerator further away. I mean, sheesh. Do I have to think of everything?

So either, I have to start actually walking the dog. A lot. Or…I could take an online hacking class and figure out how to add steps to my ring. I’ll let you know what I decide.