Patrick & Matthew Archbold  ·  Published since 2005 Tuesday, 20 October 2026

Creative
Minority Report

We Laugh Because We Believe

Set in two inks Black for the argument. Red for everything the Church already answered.

The Pope Must Die

The pre-conclave era has its first bumper crop, unsolicited advice for the new pontiff and the Church. Following the laws of supply and demand, the value of this crop is diminished by its very abundance. As such, I am reticent to throw my golden nugget onto the pile of leaden advice, yet I must.

I have no advice on what geographical region from whence the new Pope should ascend, nor do I care about the color of his skin. I don’t know if charisma need be among his charisms. I would not presume to tell the future pontiff or the cardinal-electors what should be the focus of his pontificate.

Orthodoxy aside, there is one thing and one thing only that I would demand from our new pontiff. Holy Father, when you die, you must die as Pope.

While I have no doubt …

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*subhead*As Pope.*subhead*

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