Sinners and hell-based community groups criticized Pope Benedict XVI strongly yesterday after the head of the Roman Catholic Church formally removed restrictions on celebrating an old form of the Latin mass which includes prayers calling for conversion of sinners.
Screwtape, spokesman for the Anti-Demon Disparagement League (ADDL), complained “This is a real step back for Catholic – Hades relations. For the last 40 plus years, we have been very welcome in the Catholic Church. We have basically had the run of the place.”
In a highly controversial concession to traditionalist Catholics, Pope Benedict said that he had decided to allow parish priests to celebrate the Latin Tridentine mass if a ‘stable group of faithful’ request it – though he stressed that he was in no way undoing the reforms of the Sixties Second Vatican Council.
Mr. Wormwood, leader of a hell-based community group, voiced his concern “It is impossible to have a ‘stable group of faithful’. By being faithful they prove that they are inherently ‘unstable.’ Furthermore, as sinners, we are very concerned by this move by the Pope. It is offensive to have the mass offer prayers for our conversion. We thought that the Church had done away with the very divisive notion that sin needs to be forgiven. The only real sin is this type of judgementalism.”
French Cardinal Singe de Reddition also expressed his apprehension, “I am less concerned about these traditionalist nuts celebrating mass in a dead language than I am about the revival of this notion that Jesus died for our sins or that we should believe he is anything other than a nice fellow in sandals and comfortable clothes. I thought we were past all that mumbo-jumbo.”
Demons and sinners are just the latest group this Pope has offended. Last September, the Pope deeply offended Muslims after quoting a 14th-century Byzantine emperor who said: ‘Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.’ In protest of such intolerant and unjust talk, Muslims rioted and killed Christians.
Screwtape states that there are no current plans for similar protests, “We believe we have many Bishops on our side, so we will wait and see how this all plays out. However, if things don’t go our way, it may come to that.”