I need to tell you a story. It is not a nice story. It is a wee bit long but please see it through to the end.
On these pages I have often expressed my hope for the future of the Church. After a long time of heading in the wrong direction, I believe, I hope that we have finally begun the process of re-orientation. Tonight, however, I was reminded in no uncertain terms just how difficult this process is going to be. A majestic ship of this size headed into icy waters, upon finally recognizing the danger it is in, does not just turn on a dime.
Enough preamble, here is my story. My daughters first communion is today. Last night we had the rehearsal. Oy!
Upon arrival, a very nice lady explained to the children that the tabernacle has just been moved back to the center of the church this week and explained to the children that Jesus was present and what their proper disposition and behavior in the church should be. I was pleased. This was a short lived state.
The nice lady took the children downstairs to get them lined up and give them further instruction. She handed the microphone over to the DRE who clearly did not pay attention to the instructions about proper disposition before the tabernacle. For the fifteen minutes that the children were receiving instruction downstairs she berated the adults about what to do and not to do tomorrow. NO flash photography! NO tripods for video cameras! NO strollers in the aisles! NO talking to your children! NO waving! PIN your ribbons! NO flowers! and so on! I was struck that this is likely the first time I have heard a litany in our church and it was not what I expected. As bad as that was, it was the highlight of the evening.
After the children proceeded back into the church things took a turn for the worse. They had the children rehearse the first of the two songs that they will sing. I have already wiped the lyrics from my mind but suffice it to say that they didn’t even rise to banal. Accompanying the song was a fair amount of well rehearsed hand motions. Ugh! I sat through it thinking well if that is the worst of it, I suppose I will live. That wasn’t the worst of it.
The DRE then had them practice the Lord’s prayer. I had a bad 70’s flashback during this part of the rehearsal. I began to squirm and hold my head in my hands, inwardly pleading “please stop.” Of course they taught all the children to hold hands during the prayer and during the “for the kingdom, the power, and the glory…”, she instructed the children “Raise those hands HIGH! Get them up there! We do this this to remind ourselves that we are ONE!”
At this point I mumbled to myself, “We do this to remind ourselves how wonderful we are!” What I didn’t know is that the family sitting behind me was having a jolly ol’ time watching me squirm. Their 13 yr. old boy was sitting right behind me. After I let loose my snarky comment I heard his mother ask him what I said. He repeated it and they all giggled.
Then the children proceeded to the sanctuary right in front of the altar where they began a song that made the first little diddy seem like a Schubert composition. This song had more hand motions than a three day conference for the hearing impaired. Then they started a clappin’! Then they started a hootin’ and hollerin’ punching their fists Arsenio Hall style “Woo Woo! Jesus!” clap clap clap “Woo Woo! Jesus!”
“Oh No! Please make it stop!! Please” I pleaded inwardly while I squirmed ever more to the choir of giggles behind me. Finally, the song ended. Ah peace! Or so I thought.
Now it was time for the children to rehearse coming up for communion. The DRE had them proceed up to the front of the church, pretend to receive, and walk back to the pews. However, the children were not instructed to bow their heads as a sign of reverence before receiving holy communion. “Are you kidding me? After all the well rehearsed antics preceding this, she was not going to instruct them how to receive properly?” I couldn’t take it any more, I walked up to the front and politely addressed the DRE.
“Ma’am, excuse me, but shouldn’t the children be instructed to bow their heads before receiving communion?”
“Uh…Well…no one really does that! Hardly any of the adults tomorrow will do that.”
“Perhaps,” I said “but they are supposed to, right? Shouldn’t we teach them correctly?”
She responded “Well, if that is your family custom, you can instruct your child at home to bow his or her head!”
“Ma’am, it is not my family custom. It is in the general instruction. When receiving standing, the communicant should bow their head as a sign of reverence. Again, it is not my family custom. It is what the church directs.”
“Well, Ok. But the children have so much to remember already, this will be too much for them!”
“Ma’am. I have just watched you rehearse two songs with so many hand motions that it would take me a week to remember them. I watched you instruct the children during the Lord’s prayer to hold hands and to raise them up. Way up. None of which they are supposed to do during the liturgy. Now the one thing that they should be instructed to do, a simple head bow, is too much for them to remember? With all due respect, Ma’am, that is nonsense.”
She then barked at me loudly enough that all eyes in the church turned to us,”Sir, I am not going argue with you here in front of JESUS!”
“Ma’am, I am not arguing with you. This is what they are supposed to do. Teach them the right way!”
“FINE! Fine. Children, children, we need to rehearse communion again.”
I turned and headed back to my pew. I spied the family that had been sitting behind me watching me squirm, standing and watching the whole scene – giggles aplenty.
I abhor having to be that guy, but I couldn’t sit by and say nothing any longer. I hope I did the right thing.
From all this I am reminded, the ship of the Church does not turn on a dime and there is still plenty of icy water to traverse.
April 12, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I have a hard time understanding your anger and hostility in church, in front of the tabernacle, when your daughter is preparing for her first communion. This should be a time full of joy for you and your family, yet you spend so much time picking apart the songs, hating the DRE and bashing “the ’70’s”that you are missing the point. You were so hostile to the DRE and the people around you from the start. When you did have a reasonable point to make she was defensive and others laughed. I have a suggestion for you. Do not be “that guy.” Make your point respectfully. Be loving and forgiving. Try to see that some of this IS about personal preference. Does the musical preference of the Lord really equal your preference? Do you think He could really hate the sound of precious children singing in His house as much as you do? It breaks my heart to see this much hatred on a supposedly Catholic blog. Respect for the liturgy is important. As are love and compassion. And where is the respect for ANYTHING when you are talking about b**** slapping someone in church? I’m baffled.
April 12, 2008 at 4:24 pm
A pox on the middle aged womyn, like your DRE who run our parishes. Looks like someone just volunteered to teach CCD at your parish.
April 12, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Dear Baffled,
I believe I was respectful to both the DRE and the liturgy. Further, being loving and forgiving does equate with rolling over and playing dead. I did not display anger as you suggest but firm reason. This is not hatred.
To suggest that it is hatred to stand up for what is right in demagoguery, pure and simple.
April 12, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Oh, Patrick, I feeeel your pain! Seriously, you were absolutely correct to call the DRE when she neglected to teach the kids what the general instruction requires.
I think baffled was equating you with David Alexander’s comment. OK, maybe “b**** slapping” is not the most gentle and loving way to express one’s displeasure, but I applaud the sentiment. These children are the future of the Church and they deserve proper instruction.
This story makes me even more confident that we need to restore the altar rail. It would eliminate a score of abuses. I’m not really a “trad”, but the removal of the altar rail was a serious mistake.
One thing that the DRE cannot change is that your daughter will receive Jesus (Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity) in Holy Communion. Thank God that He is constant, even when we are not. (Oh, and confessing “bad choices”–Good Lord we have a lot of work to do.)
Congratulations to your daughter on her FHC.
April 12, 2008 at 6:30 pm
There is nothing in the GIRM about hand holding during the Our Father. GIRM says we should stand. Nothing more, nothing less. It also states nothing should be added – this including hand holding.
April 12, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Do you think the comment someone made about b**** slapping the DRE in church is respectful to the liturgy, the church, the Blessed Sacrament, the Body of Christ, His people or anything? You don’t like music from “the 70s” but when children who are preparing for FHC are singing God’s praises do you think it is respectful to roll your eyes, sneer, and make such a scene about your displeasure that those sitting around you notice? Do you think that after you act that way in church, in front of the tabernacle that you can then lecture others about showing the proper respect and they will be able to hear what you are saying? By all means, stand up for what you think is right — respectfully.
April 12, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Anonymous,
You need to read more carefully. The comment about slapping the DRE isn’t appropriate, but it also isn’t Patrick’s. A different commenter wrote that. Patrick showed respect and restraint, in my opinion. Before you reprimand him for “acting that way” in church, consider the fact that Christ himself “acted that way” and then some — when disrespect and injustice called for it.
April 12, 2008 at 8:47 pm
I can’t believe that DRE wouldn’t even take the time to teach them to bow their heads! I mean I genuflect before receiving communion and I’m a freaking teenager so the person who is in charge of teaching the future of the church should be able to manage a simple bow of the head. I applaud you for being “that guy” if you hadn’t been willing to get people mad those children would have learned incorrectly which means that if they ever decided to have children those children would learn incorrectly starting a vicious cycle.
April 12, 2008 at 10:23 pm
My parish allows us to home school religious ed, and we have a separate First Communion. I recommend it. When I was a child, parents would schedule their child’s First Communion at the parish office, the child would sit up front with their family at the Mass that their family regularly attends, and the child would receive first. I have never liked these large group First Communion services.
April 12, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Anonymom, Are you comparing the “righteous indignation” this gentleman has upon hearing “70s music” in church to the righteous indignation of Jesus upon discovering merchants in the temple? I hope not. I don’t recall Jesus spending a lot of time in debate about which forms, postures and stances to use in worship. I think the Pharisees spent a lot of time doing that. I agree that the proper respect is needed and required in church and especially in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I find it unfortunate that you don’t require the same level of respect from those who agree with point of view on things such as style of music. To me, the suggestion that anyone be slapped at a FHC preparation is bordering on sacreligious. Yet you all think it’s mighty funny because the person who suggested it prefers Latin hymns over “70s music.”
April 12, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Oops, above should read “from those who don’t agree with your point of view.” Sorry for omitting a word.
April 12, 2008 at 11:02 pm
We homeschool, but I don’t really like the idea of separate First Communions for homeschoolers, or for any particular population within a parish. It seems to me it’s creating a parish within a parish, and there’s enough of that. People who regularly attend different Mass times hardly ever see each other as it is, and then there are Spanish Masses, Vietnamese Masses, TLM, etc… We’re fracturing our parishes enough.
Better to approach the pastor or DRE and offer our services to teach, lead, etc… and be a part of turning the parish around rather than creating our own little enclave. I know that’s harder and can be frustrating when others don’t want to listen (you know the old joke about the difference between a terrorist and a liturgist: you can negotiate with a terrorist). But I fear that the alternative is even more division and bitterness and the temptation to sanctimony.
Patrick, while I’m glad that you did say something that needed to be said and that you did so in what was a firm but proper manner, perhaps next time your child comes up for a sacrament make an appointment with the pastor and DRE well in advance to get an idea of what the plans are. That way you can have an input. I like what some earlier bloggers said: we need saints, and those saints need to be teaching CCD.
Bob Hunt
April 12, 2008 at 11:07 pm
“Do you think the comment someone made about b**** slapping the DRE in church is respectful to the liturgy, the church, the Blessed Sacrament, the Body of Christ, His people or anything?”
If you took a moment to climb down from your Throne of Sanctimony long enough, you would know that such an action was meant to be disrespectful to the DRE, to whom it would be directed. Such people are often in dire need of a serious reality check, in whatever form it is rendered. To say that Patrick was too kind only underscores the defilement of the Holy of Holies that routinely occurs in many parishes, by people in whom we entrust our children.
At the Council of Nicea, Arius was TKO’d by another bishop, who was outraged by his heresy. What I mean is, he was slapped hard right across the kisser! The emperor threw the misbehaving bishop in jail. That night, the emperor had a dream, seeing that bishop resplendent in his episcopal robes and holding the Book of Gospels. Awakened and alarmed, he called his guards to accompany him to the dungeon. There they found this “disrespectful” bishop, just as the emperor saw him in his dream. The bishop was immediately released.
That naughty bishop was none other than Nicholas of Myra. That’s right, Oh Anonymous One. Jolly old St Nick cold-cocked a heretic! The suggestion in this case was made with tongue firmly in cheek. I have a suggestion for you too, but I’ve gotta be respectable here.
April 12, 2008 at 11:18 pm
I have to agree with anonymous @ 11:15. I thought this rant of yours was ridiculous and I doubt it propelled anyone toward conversion. Perhaps you should have had your child make their communion privately if you had preferences as to the types of songs you wanted them to sing. Surely you knew before this day what songs your child had been rehearsing?
As for bowing before receiving Jesus. I have found this new rule to be distracting and often very awkward.
April 13, 2008 at 12:03 am
Patrick I applaud you for being “that guy”.
I chose the coward’s way out a year ago, and am now at a parish where the pastor and the DRE fulfill the roles the Church intends, and so there is no hand-holding, no banal music, and the children at first communion (my son’s rehearsal and first confession was this afternoon) will be receiving on the tongue, kneeling at the altar rail.
I love my parish!
April 13, 2008 at 12:10 am
As for bowing before receiving Jesus. I have found this new rule to be distracting and often very awkward.
With all due respect, Walker, it’s actually not about you and how you feel. It’s about the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist, and showing Him proper respect before receiving.
April 13, 2008 at 12:30 am
Bob Hunt, I hear you, but I was not clear in my comment. While my children made their First Communion with other home schoolers, it was not “the home school First Communion.” It was simply scheduled privately and separate from the huge group. I truly favor First Communion made at the Mass that your family regularly attends.
But I apologize for posting a comment with a my way is better theme. Instead:
Congratulations to all here whose children have just made or who are about to make their First Communion. The Grace of the Sacrament will bless your children and families abundantly. Be well and God bless you.
April 13, 2008 at 1:50 am
Anonymous, it’s Walker here, I’m not sure if you understood what I was trying to say. That is this very new tradition in the Church distracts me from Jesus, it makes it all about me and remembering to bow at the right time when in fact my heart needs to focus on Jesus.
Perhaps you are different from me that is ok but please don’t make assumptions about where my heart is at….. I get the impression that is a habit not only of this blogger but of most of the posters also…This was the first post I read here…
April 13, 2008 at 2:46 am
This new tradition is distracting?
Not a new tradition, it is what the GIRM has always called for.
“t makes it all about me “
If bowing before the blessed sacrament is all about you. You have issues we cannot address here.
April 13, 2008 at 3:16 am
The comment someone made about the slapping needs to go away. For someone to even think that should happen literally or figuratively is wrong, and posting it for all the world to see is bad. However, props to you for standing up for Our Faith!!! It sounds to me that the way you addressed this lady was quite appropriate. I would talk to my parish priest and the bishop however, if she took offense to teaching what we believe and not what she thinks these kids should know. As for the raising of hands…I am a Charismatic Catholic, and if I feel led by the Holy Spirit to do so, my hands are going up during a song. Usually, I have a child that I am holding, so it doesn’t happen. Even, so it is not the way that everybody chooses to worship, and there is nothing wrong with that. Also, I would never raise my hands during the consecration or other parts of the Mass like that. And (one more thing) the focus should be on the children receiving Communion, not on how many songs they can sing.
God Bless You!!! LOVE YOUR BLOG!