Seven billion for the auto manufacturers and the unions drones
Nine for the insurance industry doomed to die
And for Lord Czaron, his Oval Office throne
In the land of the Washington where politicians lie
One Czar to rule them all, One Czar to find them
One Czar to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the land of the Washington where the politicians lie
The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none who now live seem to remember it.
It began with the forging of the Great Stimulus. Three billion was given to the Insurance wizards, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the auto manufacturers, great builders and craftsmen of Detroit. And nine, nine billion was gifted to the bankers, who above all else desired power. For within these billions was bound the strength and the will to govern each race.
But they were all of them deceived for another bill was made. In the land of D.C. in the heat of the Oval Office, the Dark Lord Czaron forged in secret a master bill to control all others. And into this bill he poured his socialistic schemes, his malice for capitalism and his will to dominate all life. “One Czar to rule them all.”
One by one the Free lands of America fell to the power of the Czar. But there were some who resisted. A Last Alliance of Men and women held teabags and marched against the orders of the media throughout the land, they fought for the freedom of America. Victory was near. But the power of the Czar could not be undone.
Playing Now All Around the Country
as Gandalf
Barack Obama
as
Lord Czaron
Sarah Palin
as
Galadriel
as
Saruman
as
Wormtongue
as
The Creature Gollum
Mike Huckabee as Sam
Jeb Bush as Aragorn
Mark Levin as Gimli
Keith Olbermann as Orc #1
David Letterman as Orc #2
John McCain as Grumpy Ol’ Troll
Hopefully there will be no sequel!
HT to Jester for the first pic
June 11, 2009 at 5:15 am
You forgot Keith Olberman as the Mouth of Czaron…but then there are so many applicants for that position.
And I don't know, Sarah strikes me as more likely to be King Theoden's niece, cutting the witch king down to size than an Elf Queen tempted by power. She'd stab that ring wraith and pull off the helmet, "I am no man." No problem.
June 11, 2009 at 6:59 am
Neat!
Jon Voight calls Obama 'good actor'. (WashingtonTimes)
June 11, 2009 at 7:27 am
I think Doug Kmiec should be cast as Wormtongue…
June 11, 2009 at 8:00 am
Elf and I are giggling….
June 11, 2009 at 9:49 am
So who gets to play Boromir?
June 11, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Count me in at Helm's Deep.
Oh and Ms. Prejean can be that chick who kills the Witch King. (Yeah, I need to watch them more.)
June 11, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Clever!
Glenn Beck as Legolas, maybe?
Chris Matthews as the Balrog
June 11, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Newt Gingrich as Elrond.
June 11, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Love it!
But, I have to agree with SherryTex. Sarah Palin would make a much better Eowyn than Galadriel.
June 11, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Wormtongue and Sauruman made me LOL! I agree with the Eowyn vs Galadriel comments…liked the other comments, too…
Your poetry is quite excellent.
There are a great many of the lands of men that will fight in the battle.
Pax Christi!
June 11, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Very interesting. Shouldn't Hilary Clinton get a role in this? Perhaps she can play Shelob or something.
June 11, 2009 at 6:47 pm
This is excellent! I offer a few additional suggestions:
Michael Savage as the insane last steward of Gondor, Deneathor;
Fred Thompson as Elrond;
Ronald Reagan as Celebrimbor, the first enemy of Sauron the great, who drove him from the True West;
and I think Huckabee would be a better Fredegar Bolger. "No! No! I don't have it! It isn't meeeeee!"
If Jonah Goldberg isn't cast as something, ANYTHING, he'll be sad. Better write him a role.
June 11, 2009 at 6:48 pm
***ummm… that should have been Ronald Reagan the great… had a cut and paste snafu there. Sorry. Please don't hurt me, Fred Thompson.
June 11, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Jonah Goldberg as A Hobbit of The Shire.
June 11, 2009 at 7:07 pm
BTW, my 16 year old daughter loved this! She's a writer and loves anything creative and she thought you did a fantastic job, Matthew.
Love Hillary as Shelob! Perfect!
June 12, 2009 at 12:39 am
Spectacular! Can't wait to see the film. Very funny–thanks for this!
June 12, 2009 at 1:53 am
This is so good! I had to post it!
I don't think we know who Aragorn is yet though. I think his part will be played by an as-yet-unknown conservative hero. A real leader.
I know he's out there, but those Rangers, they're quiet.
June 12, 2009 at 3:33 am
Har! Har!
The pictures really make the piece "pop"! They are so, so appropriate — Laugh out loud funny!
June 13, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Nancy Pelosi as Gollum…That implies a past where she didn't always live in darkness, and that there is some measure of good in her, and that she will unwittingly play a major role in Czaron's undoing. Lets hope so!
June 15, 2009 at 9:35 pm
James Carville is Gollum!