Yes, it is true. I hate flip flops. You know how they say that no one is born knowing how to hate, you learn it. It is true. I wasn’t born hating flip flops. In fact when, as a child, I first saw flip flops I thought they were kind of cool. But then again, back then you would only occasionally see flip flops. You would likely see them during July-August and then only at pool parties or the beach.
Back then flip flops were like ABBA music. Perfectly acceptable and even fun, in very limited doses.
But today, today, flip flops are everywhere! All the time. It is like syrupy Swedish pop on a never ending loop. Flip flops, from March to October, at baseball games, the movies, the super market, school, to meet the President (see right), and even Church! Yes, it is that last one that really gets to me. No, not just kids. Grown men and women wearing flip flops to Church! Now I know, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, the important thing is that people are there. Fine. But I don’t like it.
I am working on a thesis that the percentage of flip flop wearers in public (beach and pool activities excluded) is directly related to the death of a culture (admittedly it is not fully developed yet). I am not saying that flip flops cause the death of culture, but I am not ruling it out. Suffice it to say, for now, that flip flops are a leading indicator of the unseriousness of a people. These are very troubling times. These are times that require work boots for men and at the very least a sensible pair of flats for women. Troubling times require serious shoes on serious people. No, shoes that boldly proclaim ‘I’m a Toys ‘R Us Kid’ are just not gonna cut it. Who has ever done anything important while wearing flip flops?
George Washington – definitely a boot guy! Lincoln – Well I am not really sure what kind of shoes Lincoln wore but they were very serious and besides he had a hat. Jimmy Buffet – Ok. That isn’t really a good example. But you get the point. Why even FDR and Churchill wore wingtips!
Don’t get me wrong. I understand casual. Casual is good, in its place. Hey, I have been known to walk around my house barefoot from time to time. I am no prude. But that is my house, it is my private area. I don’t force my feet on other people.
I fully realize that the war on this front may be lost already. Why even in my own family, my wife and kids routinely wear flip flops in public. The world is overrun with Jimmy Buffet wannabees. But not me. I, like Jesus, am a sandals guy. I have dignity.
Have I told you about my theory about clogs and the fall of the Roman Empire?