Well that’s it. It’s all over. I knew we were getting there but I didn’t know we were there, parked and unpacked already. Men are officially complete wusses. (Is that how you spell wusses?)

We’ve gone from John Wayne and Gregory Peck being male role models to Michael Cera and Seth Rogen in just a few generations. Folks, that ain’t improvement.

There’s so much wrong with this story that I don’t even know where to begin. A newspaper in Britain compiled a list of songs that make men cry. OK. What kind of man responds to such an inquiry from a stranger with a notepad. Secondly, the song that topped the chart was…I can’t even write it for shame of counting myself among the same gender as these “men.” They picked…I can’t tell you. It’s too terrible. I’ll just cut and paste it in because I can’t even write it.

The UK Sun reports:

EVERYBODY Hurts by REM is the song most likely to make grown men cry.

Look I understand that the visage of increasingly skeletal Michael Stipes would frighten many people but I don’t know if there’s anything Michael Stipes could do to make me cry. I’d imagine it would have to involve rubber hammers, a monkey wrench, tasers, and rope though.

Some of the other songs included Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares 2 U” and U2’s “With or Without You.”

What? Did they forget the soothing but melancholic tones of Air Supply?

I personally had my tear ducts removed by a school nurse I paid under the table in the second grade. No anaesthesia. So I don’t even know from this crying thing you speak of…but…if there HAD TO BE such a list there are probably a few songs that could conceivably be on the list.

Danny Boy
Ave Maria
I’m Proud to be An American by Lee Greenwood
That country song about the kid buying shoes for his dying mother. I don’t know the name because I turn it off every time I hear it. (I don’t want to be emotional while driving.)
The Star Spangled Banner.
Bagpipes playing Amazing Grace.

You got any additions?