I know a guy who for many years was pro-choice. Well, he wasn’t really PRO-anything. Abortion kinda’ just got a shrug out of him and he bought into the whole, “Well, I’m a man so it’s not for me to make a decision” line of argument.
I knew him for many years and the topic wouldn’t come up all that often. But one time his wife, who is pro-choice, called me out in front of a whole group of people at a bar. She asked me how I could be anti-abortion. She called me out for being anti-woman.
She was a nurse and when I started to lay out my points she interrupted me and announced to the dozen or so people who were with us that it was “a match up between science and religion.” They joked that it was all the things you’re not supposed to talk about in public.
So I asked her if she believed that abortion was OK five minutes before birth. She said she didn’t. She said “that’s crazy.” I then walked her back through the days, weeks and months where she would consider abortion immoral until ultimately she realized that there was no way to stop me from walking her back to the moment of conception so she picked a random moment somewhere in the fourth month where it would be OK to abort because the baby had suddenly ceased to be human.
And, being kinda’ ticked off, I then asked her to defend this “magical moment” when all of a sudden-like this blob of tissue transmogrifies into a human. And truth be told I kinda’ mocked her and this “magical moment” (yeah, I used air quotes) that takes place somewhere in the fourth month. I then turned it around again and said that we agree that many abortions should be illegal. I, however, agree with science that the moment of conception creates a human being with their own DNA. She, however, believes in this “magical moment” when a blob becomes human.
She then said that she didn’t believe abortion was that bad because she believed that aborted babies got reincarnated. What?!
I was a bit of a jerk about it and needless to say, she hated me. And I’m pretty sure she still hates me. But an interesting thing happened. Her husband is now pro-life. Hardcore pro-life. And he says it was the argument I had with his wife that turned his head around. Not all at once but he said that’s what started him thinking.
But the reason I’m bringing this up is not to show what a jerk I am, it’s to highlight something my buddy said to me just two days ago. He blamed pro-lifers for not doing a better job getting the word out. He said that the facts are so clearly on our side and that it’s our fault that the entire country isn’t pro-life. I pointed out to him that his wife was still pro-choice despite many discussions they’ve had on the issue. I said that you can speak to everyone but nobody has to listen.
But it got me thinking. I’ll bet that years into the future when abortion is looked upon in the same way we look upon slavery now, many people will blame pro-lifers for not doing a better job convincing people.
And then I thought of our own culpability for sometimes staying silent. Pro-lifers should proudly speak to anyone and everyone about life issues. We should have bumper stickers ( I had one but it got keyed off over a year ago and I haven’t replaced it yet.) I know I can do more praying. I know I can do more. You never know if speaking out can change a heart which maybe can save a baby. Which maybe can save a soul. I shudder to think of the responsibility we have for staying silent.
September 21, 2011 at 3:41 pm
I totally agree with you about the need to speak out for preborn human boys and girls.
As someone who sells pro-life bumper stickers and T-shirts at secular events, I hear it all from both sides.
Would you consider purchasing a pro-life bumper sticker from me?
Thanks.
Stickervoice.com
September 21, 2011 at 4:03 pm
If you create and market a "Keep Christ and The Mass in Christmas" sticker, I will buy it from you
September 21, 2011 at 4:20 pm
We witness all sorts of ways, not just through verbal combat. Hearts are moved sometimes with arguement and sometimes with witness. Neither is exclusive, neither is always effective. The Holy Spirit uses whatever we bring, whatever we submit.
When I was a stay at home mom with just one, the loneliness of that experience nearly drove me mad. So I loaded up the stroller every day to go out in search of someone to say, "Hi Sherry," to break up the day and eat away the time inbetween naps and changings and meals.
In desperation, I made friends with the woman who developed our photos (and I shot tons just to have something to do), the dry cleaner, the pharmacist and the phone receptionist at our apartment complex. One day, as I made my daily trek out to feel like I was part of a bigger world than the four walls of our third floor one bedroom, I spied Margo at her desk in the apartment office and she looked very upset.
"What's going on?" I asked as I lurched the stroller that had unforgiving wheels into the door and held it with my foot so I could push my six month old son into her office.
"I can't do it." She sobbed.
"What do you mean?" I asked. I'd now successfully made it in the door.
"I see you every day and I see your son. You come in here and he's so happy." As if to prove the point, my son chose this moment to gurgle at her and flap his arms, crinkling his face into a smile.
"I'm pregnant." She announced. "And my boyfriend broke up with me last week and I thought about having an abortion but I just can't."
We talked. She hadn't told her parents or her boyfriend the news. A friend had offered to drive her to a Planned Parenthood. We hugged and I suggested she tell her boyfriend and her parents because she was going to need support.
She played with my son a bit and agreed.
Long story short, the boyfriend proposed. Her parents took her in to help with expenses until the wedding. Last time I saw them and it was 16 years ago, she had now a boy and a girl and when we dropped by, she gave me the fiercest hug. I wish I'd kept in touch since, but know that loneliness of that first year was important to at least four lives. So it may not be that everyone has to have a bumper sticker, it just has to be that everyone is willing to witness and to be used by the Holy Spirit to witness.
September 21, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Great story Sherry. Wonderful.
September 21, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Agreed. A pro-life bumper sticker takes about 2 minutes to order online. Matt–go now! 😉
September 21, 2011 at 6:22 pm
I've had the very same argument many times on Facebook, Matthew. We can only speak the truth and back it up with scientific facts.
Sherry, I agree with Matthew. Yours is a wonderful story!
September 21, 2011 at 8:05 pm
The nurse first announced that the argument was between science and religion, presumably because her support for abortion was grounded in "science" (love the air quotes here) and yours was in religion.
Later on, she claimed abortion was OK because she believed that the babies are reincarnated. Flip, meet Flop.
I think she knows the truth, even if she won't admit it.
September 21, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Thank you.
September 22, 2011 at 1:18 am
You asked if abortion was OK five minutes before birth. She said no, and was willing to agree with you back to four months after conception, and then her argument fell apart.
I think you could apply the same kind of argument for the case when babies have abnormalities. Many people will say that abortion should be legal in those cases, because (in their words) those babies can be such a burden, and their quality of life is so low that it doesn't warrant protection.
So when we hear people say that, we might ask, "What if the baby has a deformity that isn't detected until it's one year old. Is it OK for the parents to kill it then?" Most people (I hope) would say no. We could probably walk back most people to the moment of birth, and then ask what makes the baby so different before it's born?
Another form of that argument: What if a child will live for 3 years as a "normal" child, and then be struck by a terrible, terminal disease? Would it be all right for the parents to kill their 3-year-old child? I think everyone would say most certainly not.
So then what if a child will live for 2 years as a "normal" child, and then be struck by such a disease? Then is it OK for the parents to decide to kill their child?
Eventually you can go back to the moment of birth, and hopefully to conception.
There are a lot of people who believe that being "pro-choice" is a sophisticated, nuanced position. These people frequently seem to be pretty proud of themselves. You managed to meet one of them. It sounds like you made the most of that opportunity.
September 22, 2011 at 2:27 am
Maybe I'm a coward, but I don't have any bumper stickers. I don't want people to prejudge me or my positions since I find it doesn't help the discussion. I've never liked the "in your face" approach to evangelization. I find it's much more effective to get to know a person, have he/she open to me as a person, then when and if the abortion question comes up he/she is far more likely to listen. Any don't underestimate the example of a good family life and prayer for pro-abortion acquaintences.
September 22, 2011 at 4:09 am
May I suggest the absurdity of her defense is rooted not in logic, but deep emotional pain. There is a pretty good chance that she had, was involved in an abortion. Many pro-choicers are pro-choice because of seemingly unforgivable choices already made. For those involved in abortions or even those who know someone they love and respect who was involved, their arguments are rationalizations fighting against a horrible truth that without grace seems posed to tear them apart.
September 22, 2011 at 10:17 pm
The religion vs. science argument always throws me. If anything, the pro-choice position is the religious one. From a purely materialistic, scientific point of view, there is no difference between a just conceived embryo and a 40 year old, other than developmental stage. All 40 year olds started as just conceived embryos. Because this scientific fact cannot be questioned or denied, most pro-choicers have to resort to a "personhood" argument (that is, personhood does not exist until the previously mentioned "magical moment"). But personhood is not a scientific concept – it is a religious/philosophical concept. So whose argument relies on religion?
September 23, 2011 at 5:52 am
I'll bet that years into the future when abortion is looked upon in the same way we look upon slavery now, many people will blame pro-lifers for not doing a better job convincing people.
Hope so. About the only way they'll be able to stay sane, in most cases.
They'll be wrong, just like folks who claim that anti-slavery folks weren't conveying their reasoning clearly enough, but I notice the realization of how MUCH folks can lie to themselves– or how radically different their views can be– takes a very long time to become "real." I'm still grasping at tribalism.
September 24, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Dear Anon "I never liked in your face approach to evangelization":
Here's what one saint had to say about that little side step:
"Not to oppose error is to approve it; and not to defend truth is to suppress it; and indeed to neglect to confound evil men, when we can do it, is no less a sin than to encourage them."
– Pope St. Felix III
PS: Matt, we can also sign up NOW for 40 Days for Life!