There are some movies that are just so bad that you will never forget them. No matter how much you try.
Matt and I count these among some of the worst movies we have ever seen. In no particular order.
Cool World
I bet that they though after the success of Who Framed Roger Rabbit that doing the same thing, only edgier, was a great idea. Not so much.
Highlander II
Highlander was great. Then they negated everything the first movie was about by making them all aliens. ALIENS! This movie was so bad, part III pretended part II never happened. That bad.
Shark Boy and Lava Girl
My kids made me see it some years back. I will never forgive them for that 90 mins. Even worse, it introduced Taylor Lautner who has the dubious distinction of being in another horrible movie…
Twilight Part II
Wow. I could not believe how bad this movie was. Put on a shirt, jerk. Vampires need killin’, not understanding. Just bad.
M. Night Double Feature: The Happening & Lady in the Water.
After some great movies and great success, M. Night fired the lady who used to tell him no. The Happening was so bad I actually called Matt from the theater to tell him how bad it was. I usually like Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel, but the acting was horrendous.
I imagine M. Night’s direction went something like this. “Zooey, act scared. Make your eyes bigger!! No bigger.” “Zooey, act angry. Make your eyes bigger!! No bigger.” “Zooey, act happy. Make your eyes bigger!! No bigger.”
“Mark, just stand there and look blank. No! Blanker!”
Side Out with C. Thomas Howell. 
Actually, make that any C. Thomas Howell movie since the Hitcher. Actually make that any C. Thomas Howell movie or Rutger Hauer movie since the Hitcher. Except for Batman Begins. We will give Rugter a pass on that one.
What movies do you love to hate and why?
November 17, 2011 at 6:21 am
Well, I've seen a lot of bad movies. Bad historical or period movies especially. The problem with almost all of them is the inability to understand the heritage of Western civilization and what it owes to the past and to
Christianity.
"Troy" (Brad Pit) — Ancient mythology without the gods and with plenty of modern attitude. Dreadful.
"King Arthur (Clive Owen) Christian medieval mythology without the mythology; where the early Church and the Christian God are mocked. Also the most unbelievably boring bad film I've ever seen.
"Kingdom of Heaven" — more of the same thing with the later medieval Church and the Crusades. Dull and confusing to boot (except for the intriguing bits with Edward Norton as the leprous king Baldwin).
"The Scarlet Letter" (Demi Moore) — this one you really have to see to believe. A perfect gutting of Hawthorne's novel. Hester Prynne as Puritan feminist! I will admit I watched this one simply out of perverse curiosity because
I'd heard how bad it was. I wasn't disappointed.
And I was hugely disappointed by "Pirates of the Carribean II" – the first was so witty and entertaining. The second time they just abandoned all attempts at actual storytelling. I literally couldn't make out what was going on much of the time; a complete mess. I gave up and never watched the others.
November 17, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Anyone seen "Koyaanisqatsi"?
November 17, 2011 at 5:17 pm
The Fountain. We only stayed in the theater the whole time because we shelled out $9 to see it… but it was awful and weird and I think the people making it were on drugs while filming/editing.
November 17, 2011 at 6:17 pm
What Lies Beneath, McHale's Navy and Joe Versus the Volcano.
November 17, 2011 at 7:29 pm
A easier question would be movies that were good. My hit list: any and all slasher films, anything (with the possible exception of the Devil's Advocate) with Keanu Reeves or Kevin Costner, most sequels of any movie, about half of the animated feature films with political correctness as the moral, the endless array of Christian/Catholic Bashing movies (DaVinci Code for example)..hence meaning Harold and Kumar's Christmas (Christian bashing, sequel, heck…it might as well have Keanu Reeves in it!)is going to be a life draining ordeal in torture. Let's be honest… about 95% of the tripe and garbage and porn that Hollywood has produced in the last 40 years.
November 17, 2011 at 11:06 pm
Caligula – Worst piece of pretentious trash ever put on the big-screen.
November 18, 2011 at 1:18 am
The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Probably no one else saw this because no one is as nerdy as me and my Dad–I was excited about it because I hoped they would have improved on their already pretty bad first movie. I was wrong. I mean heck, they didn't even show Galactus! Did NOT do justice to the original Lee-Kirby comics. This was really disappointing, because I like Ioan Gruffudd, although he was probably the best actor in it.
Interestingly the Chris Evans, the atrociously played Human Torch, later went on to shine as Captain America, and will be in the Avengers next year. I guess they aren't planning to have any team overlap there, or both parties would have a lot of splainin' to do.
Also, as afore mentioned, the Eric Bana Hulk movie. Although to quote my sister, I thik my Dad is one of the four people in world who liked that movie. The Edward Norton one wasn't that hot either.
November 18, 2011 at 2:57 am
"Elizabeth: The Golden Age." Not just because it's two hours of the most sustained Catholic bashing you will ever see on film, but just because it is an awfully written, directed, and acting film.
November 18, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Waterworld.
I can't even talk about it.
November 18, 2011 at 8:01 pm
So many. Since no one has mentioned this one yet, I'd like to mention _Total Recall_ with
Schwarzeneggar (sp?). The part where he uses
an innocent bystander to shield himself from
bullets (fairly early in the film) confirmed
my earlier suspicion that it was a mistake to
even watch that much of it.
November 20, 2011 at 7:19 pm
WOW!! How did this post get to 50 comments with no mention of Oliver Stone's "Alexander"? A movie that made the conquest of world really, really boring.
November 23, 2011 at 4:48 am
People! People!
What about American Pie and all those awful spin-offs that came later…I couldn't eat after BEGINNING to watch that movie.
Umm…did anybody mention 'Da Vinci's Code' yet? No?!! well….here it is- 'Da Vinci's Code' based on an equally painful book 'Da Vinci's Code'
November 23, 2011 at 4:50 am
Oh No…Fr. Bill mentioned it earlier- Da Vinci Code.
If the book was bad, the movie couldn't get any worse.