You call the cable guy who can supposedly fix your cable and it’s clearly a guy from India who introduces himself as Dave. Now, you know this guy’s name isn’t Dave or Jim but you go along because you’re not looking to invite him to bbq over the summer, you just want to hook the kids up to their Cartoon Channel IV that keeps them so quiet and sedate.

Mind you, “Dave” didn’t get the job done. He even sent a super secretsonic pulse through my cable box and it still didn’t work.

But it kinda’ bugs me. This guy knows where I live, he knows my name, he can even send a super secretsonic pulse to my house but I can’t know his name. What’s the deal with that? It’s not like he’s an undercover cop. I mean, maybe he is if there’s something going on at the call center that I’m not privy to but it’s not relevant to my transaction with the guy.

Is it because they think I’ll freak out if I find out I’m talking to Vamoosh instead of Dave? That’s kind of insulting too. What do I care? Just send me the super secretsonic pulse, my man. And it’s not like because it didn’t work, I’m going to go out hunting for the dude. “Where’s Daaaaaaave?”

So they’re sending out a repairman. They said he’ll be here sometime between 2:30 p.m. today and 8:30 a.m. on July 17, 2017. But at least I bet he’ll give me his real name.