Well, here we go. Democrats have huddled and talked amongst themselves about attacking Amy Coney Barrett. I’m sure it went something like this:
Chuck Schumer: “Ok. guys…and girls…and xe and xer. We have to fight this nomination. We need to besmirch this woman.
Dianne Feinstein: But not for being a woman!
Chuck: Right.Thank you for that.
DiFi: Please call me Senator.
Chuck: Oh. Right. Thank you senator.
Elizabeth Warren: We should go after the Republicans for not nominating a woman of color.
Chuck: Do you really want to go there?
EW: Anyway, we know we can’t stop Amy Coney Barrett’s nomination but if we don’t look like we’re trying to sabotage her our left flank will grow frustrated with us. And we know what happens when people to the left of us get frustrated. Let’s just say, it usually involves ‘mostly peaceful’ assaults.
Mitt Romney: I marched with them. Those are my peeps.
Chuck: Mitt! How. did you get here? This is a Democrat senator meeting.
Mitt: Hardy har har. Super funny. I’m in the group chat so I figured I’d show up.
Chuck: Mitt, do you really want to anger the left? Do you really think they’re your peeps?
Mitt: They scare me.
Chuck: Here’s the kicker. If we hit this woman too hard for being one of those fundamentalist nutty Catholics then we could lose suburban moms. So what we’re gonna’ do is attack her on healthcare. I know. I know. But that’s all we got. Everyone’s focused on COVID, so we’re just going to say that ACB wants to take away your ACA. It’s all about healthcare. It’s a nice catchphrase and the media will love it.
Klobuchar: Great! What evidence do we have that she wants to take away our healthcare?
Chuck: Um…she’s a Republican nominee. They all love big business and are against the middle class. C’mon, doesn’t anyone read my emails?
Joe Manchin: Um, I didn’t receive any emails.
Chuck: That’s because we don’t send them to you. Please focus here. We must stay away from all that religious stuff. So, no matter what don’t mention her religion.
DiFi: Right. Don’t mention her religion, unless we want her to admit she’d overturn Roe v. Wade.
Chuck: What? No. Don’t ever mention her religion.
DiFi: Right. Unless I’m talking about her not forcing her religion on the rest of the country!
Dick Durbin: That sounds right.
Chuck: No! Under no circumstances should we mention her religion.
Dick and DiFi: Oh, of course we won’t mention her religion.
Kamala: I hope a fly lands right on her face. Wouldn’t that be all the proof we need?
Chuck shakes his head and dreams of a majority. He then turns to George Stephonopolous, Chris Wallace, and Norah O’Donnell.
Chuck: You guys understand your marching orders?