On the heels of the shocking revelations about Gov. Rod Blagojevich in the Illinois Pay to Play scandal, CMR Investigations has uncovered an even more shocking scandal. CMR has uncovered a transcript from a wiretap that is part of a secret Interpol investigation that will soon rock Rome. The names have been altered to protect the ongoing investigation.
Cardinal Assistant #1 : Good afternoon. I have that list of names you requested for the Westminster job.
Prelate #XVI : So what are they offering for the job.
Cardinal Assistant #1 : Well, Episcopal Candidate #3 is offering his fervent prayers.
Prelate #XVI : Prayers? **** that! This job is a valuable ******* thing! You just don’t give a valuable ******* thing like this away for nothing!
Cardinal Assistant #1 : So what should I tell them that you want?
Prelate #XVI : You tell them I want ******* money! I want €500,000 wired to my offshore account or come January 2, these Magic Circle mother******* will be sittin’ on their ***** in their pathetic little dioceses while I give the American Burke the Westminster job. See how those mother******* like that!
Cardinal Assistant #1 : Well Episcopal Candidate #5 hinted that he would be open to such a deal, but he will need a few weeks to raise the money from donations.
Prelate #XVI : See, I always thought that Episcopal Candidate #5 was a smart son-of-a-*****. Anyone else?
Cardinal Assistant #1 : Well, Episcopal Candidate #1 might be a problem. He suggested he is uncomfortable with such a quid pro quo.
Prelate #XVI : Uncomfortable with a quid pro quo? Isn’t that the same mother****** who completely ignored my motu proprio and now this ****** is dropping latin phrases on me? Uncomfortable? I’ll show the ****** uncomfortable. Get me my albino assassin!
Cardinal Assistant #1 : I am sorry, we don’t actually have any albino assassins.
Prelate #XVI : What? ****** movies are always too good to be true. Do we have any albinos?
Cardinal Assistant #1 : We do have one albino, Br. Bob in accounting.
Prelate #XVI : O yeah, I saw that ***** at the Christmas party last year. He is a freaky looking ***** but he doesn’t strike me as the assassin type. I’ll tell you what, why don’t we just send that skinny Brit who writes for the Telegraph after him. He hates that ****** anyway.
Cardinal Assistant #1 : No problem, I’m on it.
Prelate #XVI : Alright. So tell Episcopal Candidate #5 that if the money is in my account by this time next week, the ****** job is his.
Cardinal Assistant #1 : Done.