If you had any doubt that, for some, veganism is more than a dietary lifestyle choice but something more akin to religion, look no further.

VEGANS and teetotallers are to be given the same protection against discrimination as religious groups, under legislation championed by Harriet Harman, the equalities minister.

A code of practice explaining the legal implications of the equality bill states that religions need not be mainstream or well known for their adherents to gain protection. “A belief need not include faith or worship of a god or gods, but must affect how a person lives their life or perceives the world.”

It is not my intent to mock vegans, rather to mock those who would substitute a diet for Deus. This is one case in which soy is not a suitable substitute.

Ironically, having taken on the nature of religion for some, veganism has its own form of protestantism. Whether vegan or vegetarian, it would seem that the foundational principle is no meat. But by what authority (it always comes down to authority, no?) do vegans and vegetarians get to define what meat is? Isn’t every vegetarian free to decide his own definition of meat? Well, for one delightfully named group that just sounds protestant, this is the case. They are Pescatarians (see, I told you!)

Pescatarians are the protestants of the vegetarian world. They want all the credit of being a vegetarian without doing all the hard work. Pecatarians, like many Catholics during lent, have no problem with ordering the Filet O’Fish on the drive-thru at Mickey D’s.

In a weird way, I have respect for vegans. At least they are committed. Pecatarians? They are lukewarm vegetarians. And you know what they say about the lukewarm. On judgment day they will be spit out like a day old filet o’fish. Or something like that.