Dear Kevin Knight,

As you are the editor of New Advent I am imploring you to justify yourself immediately to CMR.

I was surfing the world wide interwebs today and I thought to myself that I would check out your formerly excellent website “New Advent.” As you can imagine I was horrified to discover THIS:
No sooner did I encounter my brother’s face on your blog when my phone rang. I already knew who was calling. It was him. Patrick was calling to brag that his face was on New Advent. Again. For months New Advent has occasionally linked our pieces on CMR and the National Catholic Register. But while other writers have their faces next to their pieces I never have. But this is the third time Patrick’s horrific visage has graced your wonderful blog. Instead of listening to him bragging, I sent his call to voicemail.

I grieved this turn of events when the phone began ringing again. This time I answered and sure enough it was Patrick again calling to brag.

So Mr. Knight, you could surely understand my concern over what you’ve done. You’ve caused a rift in a family. Is that what your website is about? Tearing families apart?

I’ve previously sent you pictures but for some reason you refuse to post my pic next to pieces I write. It surely cannot be a handsome factor because I’ve seen some of the folks you put up there. Yes Mark Shea and Taylor Marshall I’m looking at you. I’ll admit Patrick Madrid is a handsome man but hey we can’t all rock the ‘stache like Madrid.

I’ve said I’ve sent you pics before but this time I’ll send you one with a shirt on.

Mind you, I’m not demanding you put my picture up. But I am imploring that you don’t put up Patrick’s picture without doing the same with mine. To ignore this plea puts this heretofore blogging adventure we call CMR at risk. I cannot work with Patrick acting like a prima donna. And it risks destroying the entire Archbold extended family.

Let your conscience be your guide in this terribly important matter.

Your desperate friend,
Matt Archbold

P.S. If you’re concerned that because I’m a little chubby that my picture may take up too many pixels you can stretch it out like they do at the end of old British movies and Paula Abdul videos.