I’m going to explain this in chronological order. It’s the only way. I could go back and forth thematically but it’s best just to tell it like it happened.
Last week I woke with a start. I realized like I do every week that I forgot to take out the garbage. So I woke the four girls and the boy by dashing into the room, turning on the lights, yelling at the girls, and pulling blankets off the boy and throwing them across the room because that’s the only way he’ll get up.
They’re not scared because they get this fire drill wake up call once a week (on Garbage day) so they know not to panic. I raced down the stairs, ran outside into the driveway in my bare feet and stepped into… I’m still not sure whether it was the remains of my wife’s Chinese Food or soup slop but it didn’t feel nice underfoot. I looked up and my driveway looked like the morning after a frat party. Garbage everywhere.
June 10, 2011 at 6:50 am
So you're still in possesion of the garbage can? Next time put it in a garbage bag so the garbage man won't know what it is (consider trashing it a bit more) 🙂
June 10, 2011 at 7:36 am
Have the same problem with an old broken can. I think I'm going to have to drive it to the dump myself.
June 10, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Excellent story Matt! Reminds me of the kind of writing Shirley Jackson did in "Life Among the Savages" and "Raising Demons."
June 10, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Would love a pair of spongebob crocs in my size. OCALHEAP!
June 10, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Wish the kids in the Catholic school where I am could learn the good stuff like OCALHEAP instead of other odd assorted items. We pray often for the Holy Father's longevity.
June 10, 2011 at 4:00 pm
What a hurried and harried world we live in. Reminds me of an Italian general who said he didn’t have time to meditate. But when he finally got to do it, he found time for everything. (Not a sermon, just a thought.)
I get my fix from the morning Mass. The Communion keeps me from going nuclear on the mutants whom I work with. 😉
June 10, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Great story, but I'm still shuddering over the bit about the squirrels jumping out at you! I'm kinda terrified of squirrels. Pathetic, I know. But I'm ok with that.
You are completely justified in your girl-like screams. I would have gone into hysterics and probably hyper-ventilated before finally fainting. (Seriously – I'm having difficulty breathing just thinking about your squirrel trauma!)
My respect for you has sky-rocketed for keeping your wits about you during a squirrel attack, and I'm glad you survived to tell the story.
June 12, 2011 at 12:06 am
Barely Cecilia. Barely.
June 12, 2011 at 2:45 am
Garbage men,excuse me, Sanitation Workers, have become so prissy about what they will and will not take, that the rules seem to change weekly. If it is at the end of the driveway, it is trash. 'Nough said.