I’m heading to a funeral this morning. My aunt passed away. So posting will be light today.
But I just wanted to ask this one question that has nothing to do with the fact that I’m heading to a funeral. I’m heading to softball games a few times a week for the girls and tee ball for the wee one.
These games are different than basketball and volleyball because very very little actually happens on the field. Lots of walks. So softball becomes social season for parents. And oh, how we all chit and chat. We separate into groups even. The sideline starts looking like a junior high school dance with all the boys over here and all those stinky girls over there.
But here’s a funny thing. I don’t drink anymore simply because I find abstaining easier than moderation. But inevitably the men on the sideline will start enjoying talking and start wondering if we could all continue this grand ol’ time at the local pub. Everytime I tell one of the men I don’t drink alcohol anymore they feel the need to tell me exactly how much and how often they drink and explain to me why they don’t believe that’s a problem. And why their wife does.
What the heck is that about?
April 9, 2013 at 1:37 pm
Alcohol is the most abused drug in American society. Many people are addicted and they know it, yet they won't admit it. After the physical act of putting the first drink in their body they are seized with a compulsion to have another. Deep down some people question their ability to drink in moderation. Reviewing how much they drink with others gives them a comparative sense of well being. Justification and rationalization keep many people away from ever confronting their reliance on alcohol, even if this reliance never rises to a full blown addiction.
April 9, 2013 at 1:56 pm
Yep. That sounds to me like justification and rationalization. It's very defensive as if by saying you don't drink you've implied that anyone who drinks is in danger of being a drunk. They are trying to prove to themselves they don't need to quit.
April 9, 2013 at 2:03 pm
I think the above posters are right, but I also think that, at least here in the Bible Belt, it is a hotly debated topic, especially among certain Protestant groups. It might just be their attempt at beating you to the punch that they think is coming. Most people I know who don't drink at all, think its like REALLY bad to drink anything, and think Jesus turned water into grape juice and not wine, so I can see where its coming from.
April 9, 2013 at 2:21 pm
Is it too outrageous to suppose that they invited you to the pub to continue a conversation? Why did you feel the need to tell them you don't drink?
April 9, 2013 at 2:41 pm
What is it about? They probably have a problem with alcohol and are in denial about it.
April 9, 2013 at 2:56 pm
Yep! I gave up alcohol for lent and it was so easy – yet after having one drink it's hard not to have another one. we as a society don't realize how much pain we are in…physically and emotionally…and how alcohol takes that pain away for a little bit (the after effects…well that is a different story)
April 9, 2013 at 3:20 pm
I see it as bragging rights. Just like in college. How much can you drink without passing out? What's your tolerance level? Heck, I remember "training" myself to get to being able to have six beers without being full blown drunk. Didn't take long for this 120lb lightweight (was 120 then, not now, and given the chance, having six beers is just getting started now).
I like your line of abstaining is easier than moderation. I might have to start living by that line.
April 9, 2013 at 3:24 pm
Yes I have experienced what Kelli is talking about. Giving up coffee for lent was the hardest thing I've given up.
April 9, 2013 at 3:40 pm
I have no idea. Why do we offer explanations for anything?
But here's a way us scientists use to find out information. We ask the subject to explain their answer. Try this in response to the drink tally…
"Why are you telling me this?"
Then you will get your answer. Pretty neat, eh?
April 9, 2013 at 3:46 pm
I live in the Bible Belt and am the only abstainer in my Catholic family. I don't think alcohol is bad and I cook with it all the time, but long ago I chose not to drink for several reasons. I don't like the taste, and I don't like how too many people act when they've been drinking.
Also, I can't for the life of me figure out why so many people think they can't have fun unless alcohol is involved. I've asked a lot of people and no one can give me a straight answer.
April 9, 2013 at 4:23 pm
Condolences on the death of your aunt. May she rest in peace.
April 9, 2013 at 4:37 pm
Several possibilities– such as the automatic assumption that if you do drink, at all, you have a problem. (I see it as an extension of the inability of popular culture to draw valid distinctions in other fields, as well.)
The guys probably tell you that because it is really freaking awkward to invite someone to an event and then find out they've got an objection to it! Like when I found out that my new neighbors can't do caffeine, and I suddenly was doing a mental tally of the goodie box I'd brought over to see if there was anything with more kick than chocolate, and trying to remember if chocolate is allowed or not.
Kind of like if your kid has a serious food allergy, if you mention it you'll suddenly get the medical history of half their family.
April 9, 2013 at 4:47 pm
There is way too much drinking and driving. Way to much.
April 9, 2013 at 5:08 pm
I partake of the Precious Blood at Mass every day, but that is just about my only alcohol consumption. I might have a glass of wine once a year, but I otherwise abstain because it is expensive and I don't see how alcohol "enhances" the dining experience. I've only had a taste of beer twice in my life (and I'm 54). Yes, I'm a cheap date.
April 9, 2013 at 5:25 pm
Your statement that you don't partake is interpreted that you have a drinking problem, and so the rush to tell you that they don't, even though their wives think they do. People with drinking problems will defend it to the death, until the day when they realize how much better life without alcohol is for those who can't imbibe moderately. It's a scary thought if you're not there yet, though, thus the reflexive defense.
Congrats on making a good decision for yourself and your family, and my condolences on the loss of your aunt. God bless you!
April 9, 2013 at 5:30 pm
I will pray for your aunt.
Maybe they are telling you their rationalizations as a way to test it out on their wives, or to get another guy to back them up that their problem isn't that bad.
What I'm really wondering is why wouldn't you go with them? You could just drink soda and be everyone's DD. Matt = hero.
April 9, 2013 at 5:36 pm
Good beer is wonderful when enjoyed in moderation. A half decent porter, beats a Starbucks Latte any day of the week.
http://badgercatholic.blogspot.com/2012/02/ratzinger-is-drinking-beer.html?m=1
I side with Pope Emeritus Benedict on this one.
April 9, 2013 at 6:06 pm
I really hate discussions about drinking alcoholic beverages. People tend to line up into two camps — kinda like those junior high sock hops mentioned. Let's face it: some people like their booze; some people don't; some people feel the need to justify what and when they drink; some don't; some people feel the need to comment on those who drink; some don't; some people feel the need to comment on those who dare comment; some don't.
What all this points out to me is that no matter how old we get, we never quite get over a childish fascination with alcohol. Can you imagine having a conversation like this about green beans?
I imagine that the most mature people regarding alcohol are the ones who enjoy the flavor of their selected beverage, drink in moderation – both in one sitting and over time — and don't consider alcohol any more of a topic of discussion than what vegetable they might be serving with their steak or salmon filet.
April 9, 2013 at 6:34 pm
Earl Grey, hot.
April 9, 2013 at 6:35 pm
I agree with Sioban
if going to pubs is a 'thing' that your friends do for guy time, you should go too (in moderation- you are a busy family man)- have a coffee or soda