I’m not saying I told you so… but… well, actually, yeah. I am saying it. With a little sparkle in my eye and a cheeky grin, because the script is so old it’s got cobwebs on it.

The LA Times has rolled out the violins for the poor, oppressed polyamorous folks who had a bit of a moment getting everyone into the hospital during a C-section. Oh dear. How terribly inconvenient for the revolution.

Come on now. Let’s have a proper look at this, shall we?

Remember the early days of the gay marriage debate? The big emotional sledgehammer they used, the one that actually moved hearts, was, “What if your partner is dying in hospital and they won’t let you in because you’re not ‘official’?” Fair play. A lot of people heard that and thought, yeah, that does sound cold and bureaucratic. It tugged at something decent in folks.

But this? This ain’t that.

In this LA Times sob story, the actual father of the child did get in to see his daughter being born. They couldn’t even manufacture a proper injustice. All they’ve got is the fear that there might have been one. The drama! The tension! Nurses racing about, heart rates dropping, and then… the anesthesiologist on shift apparently had the audacity to ask questions before letting extra bodies into an emergency theatre.
Sheesh. Get a new script, guys. This one’s threadbare.

The piece goes on to paint Chloe and her partners, Silvia and Fausto, as heroic explorers on a “medical and legal odyssey” because—gasp—they’ve chosen an “unconventional family structure.” They’re so frightened of being “targeted” that they won’t even use their real names. Meanwhile, Oakland, that bastion of enlightened progress, has become the first city in California to “outlaw discrimination based on family structure.” Beautiful. Outlaw discrimination. How nobly phrased. What objective, dispassionate journalism. You can almost hear the halo forming above the headline.

Let’s be crystal clear about what’s happening here.

This is the inevitable logical conclusion of the script we were sold. Once you redefine marriage as simply “any consenting adults who love each other” and frame any boundary as bigotry, there is no principled stopping point. None. The same arguments that were used for same-sex marriage, such as, “Who are you to define it so narrowly? It doesn’t affect your marriage! They just want hospital visitation! Love is love!” apply perfectly well to polyamory. To throuples. To whatever configuration of consenting adults comes next.

They told us it would stop at two men or two women. Many of us said, politely at first, then with increasing urgency: No, it won’t. The logic dissolves the institution entirely. Marriage stops being a sacred, ordered union oriented toward children and stability, and becomes a fluid contract of adult desires. And once that door is kicked open, polyamory walks right through, waving the same banner.

Now here we are. The newspapers are doing the emotional PR for the next chapter. “They just want to be there for the birth of their child! How does it hurt you?” Same script, different actors.

The deeper point isn’t really about whether Chloe, Silvia and Fausto can wrangle hospital access. It’s about what happens to a culture when it treats the family, y’know, the fundamental, time-tested unit that raises the next generation, as infinitely customizable based on adult feelings and “consent.” Children aren’t lifestyle accessories. Hospitals aren’t obliged to redesign emergency protocols around every evolving identity. Society isn’t bigoted for noticing that some structures are more chaotic, more legally messy, and statistically more unstable for raising kids.

But nuance is out of fashion. Dissent is “targeting.” Questioning the new sacred script makes you the villain.

So here’s the thing, when you demand that the state, the hospitals, the law, and the culture reorganize themselves around your family cosplay and then reach for the victim card when reality doesn’t immediately bend, don’t be surprised when some of us raise an eyebrow and say:
“We’ve seen this movie before. The ending doesn’t tend to be as enlightened as the trailer promised.

Get a new script. The old one’s not just predictable. It’s starting to look a bit ridiculous.