If you can’t beat them, join them. (Note: For those satirically challenged, please see the definition of parody)
Rome — Pope Benedict, a former Hitler youth, will tell Roman Catholic priests in coming days that they can say mass in Latin— a dead language the no one knows anymore—as a concession to right wing extremists in the church, known as traditionalists.See Related Story.
Summorum Pontificum a Blow to Sinners, Hell-Based Community Groups.
——Papal document damages relations with sinners and demons.
The decree by the Pope, a former Hitler youth, is known as a Motu Proprio. This cryptic latin phrase can be loosely translated “I can do whatever I want because I am the Pope and you can’t stop me.”
The Latin Mass, also known as the Tridentine mass, is a product of the ‘dark ages’ and was understandably jettisoned by the reforms of the Second Vatican Council. The latin mass is said by the priest with his back to the congregation whispering secret prayers that only he can understand. In the Tridentine mass the laity does not participate at all , so they often turn to knitting, macramé, or checkers to pass the time.
The move by the Pope, a former Hitler youth, has raised concern about reviving parts of the old liturgy that Jews consider anti-Semitic, gays consider homo-phobic, women consider sexist, dwarves consider anti-dwarfic (communion rails are too high), and priests consider too difficult to learn.
The publication of this document is to be accompanied by a letter from the Pope, a former Hitler youth, to individual bishops explaining why he is doing this against their will and better judgment.
French Cardinal Singe de Reddition commented, “We are très disturbed by this action by the Pope, a former Hitler youth. We are très, très upset about this. We just managed to get all these people to stop coming to church and we are très afraid that the Churches will fill up again. If that happens, the rest of Europe is sure to look down on us, you know, the way we look down on everyone else.”
It is widely believed that the Pope, a former Hitler youth, is restoring the mass as a copout to the right wing group known as Lefebvrists and that this constitutes a complete rejection of all the reforms of Vatican II.
It remains unclear at this time, since the exact contents of the documents are still unknown, how long it will be before the Church sets up the Inquisition again. Details should be available in “a few days.”
July 3, 2007 at 6:16 am
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July 3, 2007 at 6:48 am
Like muhamed (pbuh) peace be upon him, I think you should start the new trend.
Benedict 16th (fhy)
July 3, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Never seen such imbecilic journalistic garbage. I can feel your knees shaking…don’t look now but here we come, here we come
July 3, 2007 at 2:24 pm
UGH!
I guess I should take it as a compliment. My satire is so good, you think it was real.
July 3, 2007 at 4:09 pm
” . . . No one ever expects the Inquisition!”
July 3, 2007 at 4:26 pm
In case you didn’t know, the pope IS the HEAD of the church and DOESN’T need to listen to the Bishops, especially when many of them have lost the true faith. Kudos to the Holy Father for standing up for what is right. Jesus Christ didn’t go around worrying what everyone else thought. I think people have forgotten that part of Christianity – the part that says “take up your CROSS and follow Me.” If you want a picnic and your happy clappy celebrations, then you can join a Protestant church. There are plenty to choose from.
July 3, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Patrick Archbold, God bless you! I definitely needed the laugh.
July 3, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Patrick,
I fully understand the humor of it. Sarcasm runs rampant in my household so I appreciate its merit but I also know it can cut like a knife when emotions run high. And based upon the comments here and the perceived ‘threat’ that my priest warns about, I wondered whether it was a particularly appropriate choice of humor for this subject.
I grew up on the Latin Mass and I loved it even though I didn’t understand a word! I knew something great was taking place (head bowing, kneeling, genuflecting)…but I always went to a high Mass. The low Mass is as mundane as the Nuovo Ordus with Haugen and Haas!
Put the tabernacle back front and center, add smells, bells, chant and Palestrina and the Mass celebrated by the Fathers, so very close to what we have today is solemn, reverent and engaging.
The difference is that in those days, when the priest said to give thanks to the Lord our God, all eyes looked up and all voices sang out, “It is right to give Him thanks and praise.” Yeah, and no 75 year old DRE was behind you saying, ‘It is right to give GOD, thanks and praise.’
July 3, 2007 at 5:28 pm
Anonymous said…
” . . . No one ever expects the Inquisition!”
I love that skit!
July 3, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Chris,
Thank you for your thoughtful opinion and I agree with most of what you say! However, this post is intended to lampoon the ridiculous media coverage of the Latin Mass, the MP, and the Pope.
There is no reason is should cut like a knife to any lovers of the TLM. Only the media.
I, personally, cannot wait until a TLM is available closer to my home.
July 5, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Italy’s main newspaper “Corriere della sera” has today an article by his foremost catholic expert -prof. Alberto Melloni. He says that the Motu proprio is against bishops, because the power of bishops is better than the power of the God’s people, not to say the pope’s. The latter is also guilty of saying in his apartment mass facing the altar. I thought that conciliarists loved God’s people power. They were just afraid of losing their own power.
July 5, 2007 at 10:23 pm
This Trad Cath found your parody hysterical. Keep up the good work!
July 6, 2007 at 3:41 am
It’s obvious that there is a sarcastic if not malicious tone about the attitude regarding this report.I left the Novus Ordo regime 21 years ago when I was refused receiving the Host on my tongue…the priest felt that political correctness in making me receive in my hands was more important than the “value” of the Host…he let the Host drop so that I had to “catch” It with my hands…I had never touched the Blessed Sacarment before…I did “catch It” and vowed never to return to this apostate regime that has implanted itself as the substitute church. As a supporter of the SSPX and the Tridentine Mass since 1986, this Motu Propio is a welcome turn of events in the course of my keeping the “True Faith”. The only scenario in the church under attack is the True Mass…The Devil does not waste his time on counterfits!!!
July 6, 2007 at 3:20 pm
The Inquisition, let’s begin!
The Inquisition, look out sin!
we’ve got a mission…
July 6, 2007 at 8:44 pm
HAHAHAHA!
Patrick, I can’t believe how many people thought you were serious…
Anon 10:41 PM, I’m so sorry. Talk about rocks and hard places.
July 6, 2007 at 8:56 pm
Mary,
I must say I was rather surprised myself. Even after I put the note that this was parody, many people still thought I was serious.
I guess they stopped reading before they got to the anti-dwarfic part.
I am actually a little more disappointed that no one seemed to figure out that the Cardinal’s name translates as “surrender monkey”
That was my favorite part!
July 6, 2007 at 11:00 pm
I have been attending the Latin Mass for most of my life (until I was 9 we went to the Byzantine Rite). While my husband seemed to think that it was “inappropriate”, I thought it was immensely funny. Sometimes, the way things happen in life, you know that God has a sense of humor. He didn’t mean for us to be sad all the time…I think Catholics are supposed to be happy and find as much (appropriate) humor in life as possible. I just find it sad that so many people thought you were serious. Are things really so bad that a post like this could be taken seriously?
July 7, 2007 at 12:45 am
Anon,
Thanks. I certainly didn’t mean to offend anyone, well, except if you work for the media.
July 7, 2007 at 5:39 pm
As a traditionalist I had to chuckle at the description of the goings on depicted during the Mass. Even a cursory look at the Tridentine Mass would show that the prayers said are available for all to read along with the priest and that the Tridentine Mass was created so that the people could respond aloud. It’s that Mass that gave strength and consolation to millions of Catholics, including the Saints, for centuries.
July 7, 2007 at 6:45 pm
…and don’t forget “racist” because it’s not in the venacular.