Russian President Vladimir Putin is making an astonishing bid to grab a vast chunk of the North Pole in order to tap its vast potential oil, gas and mineral wealth. The dramatic move provoked an international outcry from diplomats and evironmentalists.
But major media outlets have all but ignored those most affected by Russia’s intentions. Santa Claus released a statement today indicating his displeasure with Putin. “I haven’t checked the list twice yet or anything but I’m pretty sure I know someone who’s getting bupkis for Christmas this year.”
Santa, a Christian conservative, said if this move was all about energy the Russian President should be looking not for oil and gas. “Start looking for coal. That’s all I’m saying,” said the normally ebullient fat man.
Santa implied that if the Russians intend to come to the North Pole they could be in for a fight. “I’m not trying to provoke anyone but you haven’t lived until you’ve dealt with three thousand angry magical elves. I dare Putin to try this. Bring it on.”