Bishop Trautman is once again expressing his firmly held belief in the stupidity of the common man. Namely, you.


The word worries Erie Catholic Bishop Donald W. Trautman. He doubts that “John and Mary Catholic,” sitting in their church pew, would understand it.

That’s why Trautman will try to tell other U.S. bishops that such words shouldn’t be in a new English translation of the Roman Missal…

Trautman said the draft includes words such as “ineffable” that would not be in the ordinary vocabulary of people.

“This should be the prayer of the people,” Trautman said. “I’m not for having street language. … We should certainly have elevated tone, but words like that are just beyond the common comprehension.”

Ineffable is not in the ordinary vocabulary of people. Perhaps. But I ask you, so what? Do you think that phrases such as “hallowed be Thy Name” or “fruit of thy womb” are phrases that routinely glide from the gob? Yet I suspect that most people easily understand them. Why do these champions of the common man pay such little respect to those whom they feign to esteem? Besides, this is the liturgy we are talking about. Why is prosaic a virtue? Why is the lowest common denominator the ideal?

Anyway, in honor of Bishop Trautman recycling his worn-out worry for us dummies, I thought I would recycle something I wrote last year, albeit slightly tweaked. This is my version of the Bishop Trautman (of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Lowest Common Denominator) approved common man Hail Mary.

Hey Mary, jam-packed with grace.
The big Guy is with you.
You really rock compared to other women.
And awesome is the product of your uterus. Jesus.
You are, like, a really good person, actually.
So like Mary, God’s mommy, ask God to look the other way at our bads.
Now, or when a my old lady and the doctor pull the plug on me. Peace out!

Hope you dummies could follow along. But alas, you were probably distracted by something shiny before you could finish it anyway.