An thoughtless and short-sighted columnist from my hometown newspaper, The Daily News, wrote recently that:

If McCain wins, look for a full-fledged race and class war, fueled by a deflated and depressed country, soaring crime, homelessness – and hopelessness!

I dig it. Threatening the electorate with a race war should your candidate lose is a new and ingenious strategy. It’s like the O.J. jury writ large. Well, I don’t mean to start trouble but has nobody considered the very real and considerable tragedies which could result should the election go against McCain/Palin as well.

We seem to be forgetting one little thing. Sarah Palin’s husband is part-Yup’ik Eskimo. Now, not to be too graphic but can you imagine the horrors which will be brought to this country if America rejects the first possible Eskimo in the White House. I shudder to think of it. Unleashing the long pent up anger of Eskimos could change the country forever. First they’ll burn up all their Igloos. They’ll make others eat yellow snow. There will be Molotov Klondike bars. Whale blubber bombs (which actually stain so remember to always pack a bleach stick should an Eskimo attack occur). They’ll throw snowballs with little rocks in them. They’ll make us watch Northern Exposure and Ice Road Trucker marathons. Oh the humanity! Please elect McCain/Palin. Bow to their icy will or suffer THIS!:

Ok. Well that wasn’t so scary but she’s nasty in a pinch, believe me. That woman is dynamite with a whale bone. But if you’re still not sufficiently scared of an Eskimo uprising should Palin not be elected then I have one more thing to show you. A visage so abominable, so apocalyptic, so unsettling that you may fear Eskimos forever. If you reject the first Eskimo in the White House, then this might just visit your city and then all I can say is may the deity you choose to worship have mercy on your soul.

For the good of the country, for the safety of your children, for the preservation of this great republic, please consider voting for Palin…or else!