Last night, all of a sudden everything became Christmasy around my house. I was going through the house taking down Halloween decorations. (I know it’s late. I know! Don’t you dare judge me.) But as I took them down my wife and children were right behind me with the Christmas decorations. They threw on the Alabama Christmas CD (which really is great) and we were all in a great Christmasy mood. When we were about halfway through decorating the kids went AWOL and threw in the old Rankin/Bass Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer while my wife and I continued placing sheep in the manger.
But as I watched it I grew horrified that barring Donner who is the worst father ever, Santa was the biggest jerk in the North Pole. Wait. Forget the North Pole. I’m going to say it. In that cartoon, Santa was the biggest jerk ever. What were these animators thinking? Now the kids don’t seem to mind or notice but what the heck?
My wife tells me I look into these things too much but here’s my case. I’m sure you’ll agree.
Santa’s jerkiness starts with the elves begging Santa to listen to a song they wrote for him and Santa’s like all bored and like ‘whatever’ to these poor little elves who work night and day for cookies and all they want is for him just to listen to a little one minute song they wrote in praise of him. But then His Jerkiness harrumphs at the end of the song something like “needs work” and stomps off while Ms. Claus tries to pick up the pieces and applauds and praises the heartbroken elves.
OK, you think maybe Santa was having a bad day. No. It gets worse. When Rudolph starts flying around all great, Santa hails Donner for his boy’s success but then when it turns out Rudy’s got a shiny beak, Santa turns on him and tells his good buddy Donner, “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.” What?
No Santa, you should be ashamed of yourself. What’s with this guy? His weight is fluctuating wildly. He’s refusing to eat. He’s threatening to cancel Christmas throughout the entire freaking video. He’s banishing any toy with any defect whatsoever into the island of misfit toys. This guy is supposed to be a saint? He’s a monster!
I mean, he tossed a ‘Charlie in the box’ onto the island of misfit toys because it had a wrong name. I mean come on. How much red tape could there be in the North Pole it to change the toy’s name? Santa just doesn’t care.
And whoever heard of a Santa afraid of driving in the snow? Well here’s an idea, if snow’s gonna’ be a problem old man, move out of the North Pole!
Sorry for the rant. But Santa put me in a mood. I’ll still be up for Christmas. I got the Amy Grant Christmas CD on right now. I’m going to finish putting the animals around the manger now. I’m feeling it again. And I’ve hidden Rudolph in a drawer.
And one more thing, doesn’t it seem like Herbie the Elf might just be dealing with one or two more issues than wanting to be a dentist? I’m just saying.
November 24, 2008 at 5:26 pm
F&$% "santa". I say every Catholic worth their grain in salt should put "santa", elves, reindeer and any other paraphinalia in the woodchipper and BREAK OUT THE FREAKIN’ NATIVITY SCENE!!!!!!!!!
November 24, 2008 at 5:36 pm
“The Freakin’ Nativity Scene?” That shows quite a bit of reverence.
November 24, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I’ve thought the same about Intolerant Santa for years, and am glad to see someone put it into words. He hates Rudolph because he’s different. That is, of course, until Rudolph is ‘useful’ to him. And does he apologize? No, of course not. But do you expect from a professional burglar?!?!?! Break out the freakin’ nativity scene is right!
November 24, 2008 at 5:54 pm
He is rather nasty, isn’t he? But on the other hand, Santa being a jerk, well, he reforms, everyone does – they are penitent and change their ways. So, yes, St. Nicholas really got a raw deal, but on the other hand, it is possible to read too much into it in favor of a story on penitence.
I always think about doing Catholic film reviews.. Hey, you could always put Narnia on instead! That was pretty solid. 😀 Or Miracle on 34th St., the older (coughrealcough) one… Santa’s got his heart in place in that one.
~Zee
November 24, 2008 at 5:54 pm
It’s no coincidence that if you slightly shuffle the letters of Santa’s name they spell … SATAN.
Well, isn’t that special?
November 24, 2008 at 6:01 pm
JAY!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!
(p.s. “We like ourselves, dont’ we Jay?)
NZIE – I ALWAYS qualify “santa” as opposed to Saint Nicolas (Pray for us!) I hate the way the Protestants have bastardised a beloved saint and distorted his very REAL story to their advantage. When children learn the “santa” story is just a tall tail, the next logical conclusion is to say, “oh, well then probably Saint Nicolas was just a story too” etc. VERY bad.
November 24, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I grew up with three names for him- St. Nicholas, Santa Claus (which really is just a bastardisation of the German and Dutch words for St. Nicholas), and Miklavž (mi-klowsh), the Slovene name for him. I never had any trouble distinguishing the made up stories like Rudolf and Frosty from the real story of the saint. I think it was probably because I knew he was a real person, and the ‘real story’ that I was the last kid to ‘figure out’ who was really wrapping the presents. Calling him Santa never really bothered me. As a Christmastide elf, I write on tags any of the names we use.
I think the trick isn’t so much to distinguish, as to know the real story. If someone asks me today when I stopped believing in Santa, I tell them I still do, because he’s real. The chimney bit doesn’t make or break Santa. 🙂
~Zee
November 24, 2008 at 6:39 pm
The other Rankin/Bass video (Santa Claus is Coming to Town) is also a bit scary…this is the movie that attempts to explain (often musically) all the traditions about Santa Claus. So, why do we sit on his lap and ask for toys?
“When you sit on my lap today, a kiss a toy is the price you’ll pay!” Yikes! What were our parents thinking?
November 24, 2008 at 7:01 pm
The RB movies seem to reek of feel-good political-correctness and inclusion. Often creating an oppressed class under a generally accepted but intolerant and cruel leader.
How’s that for reading too much into things.
November 24, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Clarice was kinda’ pretty for a reindeer though.
November 24, 2008 at 7:21 pm
This is the same St. Nicholas who slapped Arius upside the face? no need for the PC version of St. Nick being nice all the time. 😉
November 24, 2008 at 7:35 pm
haha, true! Maybe the problem was we didn’t see the heresies Rudolf was propagating–maybe he was sending it in Morse code with nose flashes. It all makes sense now….
~Zee
November 24, 2008 at 7:56 pm
This post and its comments are so funny!! But really — Santa did say that he was wrong about everything — Rudolph, the misfit toys and everyone realized they were wrong about the Abominable.
You have to build up some tension to have a feel good ending.
Besides, how can you complain about a show where Burl Ives is singing? and for the Santa Claus is coming to Town complainers, come on — Fred Astaire and Mickey Rooney!!
And I can’t believe you’re just taking down your Halloween decorations.
And does anyone even have to say “put up the Nativity?”
November 24, 2008 at 8:32 pm
This is very strange to Irish sensibilities. Over here decorations don’t traditionally go up until after the Feast of the Immaculate Conception and they come down after the Epiphany. For us its still November and we’re remembering our dead. Aren’t you just playing into the whole commercialization of Christmas?
November 24, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Ours go up once advent starts.. but we get the tree from St. Nicholas on the 6th. 😀
As far as commercialisation goes, well, I think it depends what you put up – if it’s mostly or all religious, then it’s not ‘buying into’ the commercial thing, is it? Also, we’re not going out and buying them – we store them in attics and garages. The only thing we buy are extra hooks for ornaments and replacement bulbs.
November 24, 2008 at 9:16 pm
The – good point, and something that I know bothers some people. It’s preposterous that most of America treats Advent like Christmas season, and Christmas season like “recovery time.” Radio stations around here are already cranking up the carols and holiday music 24/7.
It’s partly natural – people like to be in the holiday mood when doing their shopping (and especially in the days when everyone hit the stores in person, pre-Internet); but partly an unconscious bowing to zeitgeist. Being glad of the holiday spirit soon means being resentful that everyone forces it upon us earlier and earlier. By the time the day gets here we stagger to Mass and suffer worship as the epilogue of an overlong drama rather than enjoy it as the glorious opening chapter of a masterpiece. If Christians MUST celebrate the Savior’s birth, I’m sure that Satan prefers the first method to the second, the moreso as the first tends to lead to not celebrating it at all, but rather dreading the whole business as an expensive farce.
Incidentally, a blogfriend of mine did a similar post years ago – with a bit rougher language; it frustrates me that I can’t find her post. It’s from the excellent Sheila Variations (she and friends watch Rudolph and one of her friends casually remarks, “Santa’s a racist [redacted]”).
November 24, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Nightfly, I was going to post something along those lines, but you beat me to it…at any rate, I grew up celebrating Advent and not decorating for Christmas until the day before. The spirit of waiting and expectancy (O Come, O Come Emmanuel!) definitely made a difference, we were able to truly celebrate Christmas more joyfully than if we’d dragged the “holiday spirit” out over a whole month. Advent is to Christmas as Lent is to Easter, and it is sad that we’ve lost that.
November 24, 2008 at 9:44 pm
“This is very strange to Irish sensibilities. Over here decorations don’t traditionally go up until after the Feast of the Immaculate Conception and they come down after the Epiphany. For us its still November and we’re remembering our dead. Aren’t you just playing into the whole commercialization of Christmas?”
Unfortunately, I think even some of the Irish have succumbed to the secularist commercialized impulse to start Christmas early. My cousin attended Trinity College in Dublin back in 1999-2000, and I visited him a couple of times while he was there. Christmas music was playing non-stop along Grafton Street and other parts of Dublin beginning in October.
November 24, 2008 at 9:44 pm
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November 24, 2008 at 9:52 pm
You know what you people need? REAL traditional Christmas music. Click here, order from here, and someday you will thank me. Really.