Last night, all of a sudden everything became Christmasy around my house. I was going through the house taking down Halloween decorations. (I know it’s late. I know! Don’t you dare judge me.) But as I took them down my wife and children were right behind me with the Christmas decorations. They threw on the Alabama Christmas CD (which really is great) and we were all in a great Christmasy mood. When we were about halfway through decorating the kids went AWOL and threw in the old Rankin/Bass Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer while my wife and I continued placing sheep in the manger.
But as I watched it I grew horrified that barring Donner who is the worst father ever, Santa was the biggest jerk in the North Pole. Wait. Forget the North Pole. I’m going to say it. In that cartoon, Santa was the biggest jerk ever. What were these animators thinking? Now the kids don’t seem to mind or notice but what the heck?
My wife tells me I look into these things too much but here’s my case. I’m sure you’ll agree.
Santa’s jerkiness starts with the elves begging Santa to listen to a song they wrote for him and Santa’s like all bored and like ‘whatever’ to these poor little elves who work night and day for cookies and all they want is for him just to listen to a little one minute song they wrote in praise of him. But then His Jerkiness harrumphs at the end of the song something like “needs work” and stomps off while Ms. Claus tries to pick up the pieces and applauds and praises the heartbroken elves.
OK, you think maybe Santa was having a bad day. No. It gets worse. When Rudolph starts flying around all great, Santa hails Donner for his boy’s success but then when it turns out Rudy’s got a shiny beak, Santa turns on him and tells his good buddy Donner, “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.” What?
No Santa, you should be ashamed of yourself. What’s with this guy? His weight is fluctuating wildly. He’s refusing to eat. He’s threatening to cancel Christmas throughout the entire freaking video. He’s banishing any toy with any defect whatsoever into the island of misfit toys. This guy is supposed to be a saint? He’s a monster!
I mean, he tossed a ‘Charlie in the box’ onto the island of misfit toys because it had a wrong name. I mean come on. How much red tape could there be in the North Pole it to change the toy’s name? Santa just doesn’t care.
And whoever heard of a Santa afraid of driving in the snow? Well here’s an idea, if snow’s gonna’ be a problem old man, move out of the North Pole!
Sorry for the rant. But Santa put me in a mood. I’ll still be up for Christmas. I got the Amy Grant Christmas CD on right now. I’m going to finish putting the animals around the manger now. I’m feeling it again. And I’ve hidden Rudolph in a drawer.
And one more thing, doesn’t it seem like Herbie the Elf might just be dealing with one or two more issues than wanting to be a dentist? I’m just saying.
November 25, 2008 at 2:10 am
Of course Santa’s the bad guy — he’s running the Metanarrative (or however you say “established authority” in postmodernese.)
John Granger has a great piece about how “Rudolph” is a perfect example of postmodernism: http://hogwartsprofessor.com/?p=7.
November 25, 2008 at 4:10 am
I’m waiting for the remake of Rudolph, where Clarice leads a herd of female reindeer into Santa’s workshop demanding to be given spots to pull Santa’s sleigh, while PETA slaps Yukon Cornelius and Herbie with a lawsuit for their maltreatment of the Abominable. When the EPA storms in to impose environmental sanctions because of damage to the fragile Arctic ecosystem, and the elves threaten to unionize, Santa says: “Screw this! I’m moving my toyshop offshore!” C’mon, Rankin/Bass, get with the 21st century!!
The working title is “Rudolph the Red-nosed Chauvanist Pig.”
November 25, 2008 at 4:17 am
Well, Santa has rates a lot of comments!
My husband and I have always thought Santa a bit of horror in the Rudolph show. The worst was when my son decided he wanted to watch Rudolph every day for about three months, starting in March, a few years ago. We kept trying to talk to our son (who was about 2) about how mean Santa was.
We’re not big on Santa here. Not down on him, but not big either. None of my children have ever sat on Santa’s lap. That’s just weird.
November 25, 2008 at 5:46 am
In high school, my American history teacher gave us an ‘extra credit’ assignment to watch the movie and write a page or two (I don’t remember the exact length) analyzing how the movie could be viewed as narrative of the US around the time of the Civil War. It was a strange assignment.