Things have gotten so bad that there is a guy who is eating bacon, and only bacon, for the entire month of February. At least I know that when the apocalypse comes, this is an option on the list right before eating my neighbors. Just in case I have no bacon, I hope I live next to bacon man. Yummy.
So how much will President Barack Obama’s budget cost us taxpayers? Toby Harden does the math.
I’m an American taxpayer and the starkest figure is what this could cost me. The latest figure I could find for the number of US taxpayers is 138,893,908 returns in 2007 here. By my reckoning, that’s $25, 573.48 each.
We are so doomed. We will all still be paying this off in purgatory. If Obama makes it to purgatory, I guess he will suggest we get the top 2% in heaven to pay it off.
You want apocalypse? Do giant monsters scream “bad moon rising” or what?
This is a newly taken pic of the Borneo Monster. Yeah, that’s right. That’s a 100 foot of pure “I’ll squeeze you like a lemon and swallow you whole” snake. You want to know why there’s no legend of Bigfoot in Borneo; it’s because this things ate the Borneo Bigfoot and was hungry for some Chupacabra by brunch. As a Christian, I’m not scared of dying. Yeah, I’m frightened of getting chased and caught and squeezed until my eyes pop out like Marty Feldman’s.
As I wrote about this week, if we continue to use grain and grain fields to produce ethanol, we will all starve to death. But there is hope. As an alternative to this horrible scenario scientists have managed to harness the almost unlimited supply of hamster energy.
Dr Zhong Lin Wang of Georgia University’s Nano Research Group developed the flexible jackets, which are fitted with wires plugged into a nanogenerator that produces energy when they are bent and stretched.
In tests one hamster named Campbell’s Dwarf produced small amounts of AC power – around one twentieth of the output of an AA battery.
I feel much better.
According to Fox News
“Autonomous military robots that will fight future wars must be programmed to live by a strict warrior code, or the world risks untold atrocities at their steely hands.
The stark warning — which includes discussion of a “Terminator”-style scenario in which robots turn on their human masters — is part of a hefty report funded by and prepared for the U.S. Navy’s high-tech and secretive Office of Naval Research.”
So next time you see this.
Think of this.
Back in December I wrote this in my (eerily prescient) 2009 prediction post:
More Riots in Europe. What will be hitting us economically will also hit Europe and maybe just as hard. The riots these past weeks in Greece are just the beginning. Ostensibly related to a police shooting, the real cause was economic. Greece is an economic basket case with massive crushing debt. The fact that this rioting has spread to other European cities shows that this frustration is widespread especially among youth. All this is just the beginning of the woes. As the economy dramatically worsens in the second half of 2009, rioting will be more widespread. Italy, France, England, and Germany will not be spared.
Yesterday this appeared on, of all places, Salon.com:
Feb. 26, 2009 | The global economic meltdown has already caused bank failures, bankruptcies, plant closings and foreclosures and will, in the coming year, leave many tens of millions unemployed across the planet. But another perilous consequence of the crash of 2008 has only recently made its appearance: increased civil unrest and ethnic strife. Someday, perhaps, war may follow.
If even the folks at Salon see the writing on the wall, apocalypse cannot be far off.
And finally, when you know that apocalypse is nearly upon us, the stress can sometimes get to you. So imagine, since you are all stressed out, so you decide to forget all your troubles and take a nice little jaunt to the aquarium. Lobster tank (boring), Stingray tank (better), Shark tank. Very exciting, you have almost forgotten your troubles when BAM! You notice the disembodied head in the Shark tank!
Folks at the aquarium are baffled about where the head came from. Umm, folks, it is a SHARK tank. Duh! We are so doomed.
5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …………………………….
If you’d like to add any signs of the apocalypse you are encouraged to write them in the combox. Eventually, one of you will be right.
Posted by Patrick & Matthew Archbold
February 27, 2009 at 3:21 am
This is great! I much prefer lighthearted gloom and gloom over serious gloom and doom.
OK, over at Steynonline I heard about the Ecopolypse. I can’t think of a better way to just sum up human history. He can really turn a phrase.
Also, Hillary is going to the Middle East next week.
February 27, 2009 at 3:40 am
9) The 2009 Los Angeles Religious Education Congress opened today.
February 27, 2009 at 5:48 am
This is a great piece, guys. You have to keep doing this one. LarryD, that’s number one on my list, not nine. 😉
~cmpt
February 27, 2009 at 2:27 pm
The robot thing has really been keeping me up at night….
Especially the fact that they’ll be able to “forage for biomass” (eat people!)
http://hardware.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/01/29/142258
and
Hunt in packs
http://www.newscientist.com/blogs/shortsharpscience/2008/10/packs-of-robots-will-hunt-down.html
I mean, pack-hunting people-eating robots seems like something straight out of postapocolyptic scifi!
(Though, maybe instead of using ethanol for fuel, we could all ride around on Biomass-eating robots, and then when we hit a deer they could EAT it….. It would be great… until you were on a long, lonly stretch of desert highway with no biomass in sight……..)
February 27, 2009 at 2:39 pm
LOL Deirdre!
February 27, 2009 at 2:50 pm
If I ever start a band I’m going to call it “Foraging for Biomass.”
February 27, 2009 at 3:18 pm
OK, as the token Euro on this blog, I must say one thing regarding #6; I RESENT being put in the same category as the Greeks and French. How DARE you, sir! How DARE you!
Actually, the figures came out last month, and Italy is at the top 3 of the EU economically; the worst hit last quarter was France and Spain (Greeks didn’t have far to drop since they’re consistently at the bottom to begin with). Here in Italy, while everyone uses the “economic crisis” as an excuse for everything from bad weather to not paying their pay-per-view bill on time, there has really been little economic downturn to speak of. What HAS changed is the political climate, in that there are more and more commies crawling out of the woodwork to take advantage of the fear and paranoia regarding the POTENTIAL for an economic downturn. Many of the commies are not Italian but agitators from other EU countries thinking they are doing their duty by generating awareness.
And I think I mentioned this before last month, there is a very visible reliance between the Commies, the Jihadists and the Anarchists here (i.e. the Devil’s Triad). I swear, they are seriously calling for a severe smack-down. And when it comes, they won’t be able to blame anyone but themselves.
February 27, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Bender – “Ahhh, John Quincy Adding Machine, the first robot president. He really struck a nerve with voters when he promised not to go on a killing spree.”
Farnsworth – “Yes, but like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.”
February 27, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Nightfly – Ah, Matt Groening, the new patron saint of cartoonists.
February 27, 2009 at 7:33 pm
I take umbrage to the inclusion of bacon man as a sign of the apocolypse. The bottom line is, bacon is delicious and you know it! If I could survuve on nothing but, I most definitely would. If nothing else, all the salt from the curing process will preserve my insides in pristine quality, thus ensuring I am essentially immortal. So there.
February 27, 2009 at 9:33 pm
What about the internet apocolyptic meltdown http://www.broom.org/epic/ – the silent killer!
A little outdated – Facebook has replaced Friendster with far more issues, but interesting none the less.
February 28, 2009 at 2:50 am
Uh, so whose head is that in the shark tank? At first glance, it kinda looks like ZERO. On second glance, I thought it was a piece of coral that had a miraculous image of Jesus on it – and the sharks had just won it in a bidding war off of Ebay.
Tune in next week when Baconman suffers a myocardialinfarction and blames it on George W. Bush.
(PS – You guys owe me a new keyboard, that’s twice this week… please send a spare for next week!)