First it was contraception, then abortion. Now the Pope wants to ban something else…Vuvuzelas. News reports indicate that Pope Benedict XVI,a former Nazi Youth and former head of the office formerly known as the Inquisition, is now banning the popular musical instrument which brought millions joy during the World Cup.
When Pope Benedict XVI visits England he is expected to draw large crowds but the Vatican’s ban of vuvuzelas has not come without considerable controversy. (In case you don’t know what vuvuzelas are click here)
“Is the Catholic Church just against all fun?” asked one devout Catholic who said he was going to buy a Vuvuzela in protest. “I read somewhere that even Popes back in the…like 1300’s used Vuvuzelas all the time or something. So this edict is totally hypocritical.”
Some quick polling on the issue showed that American Catholics were split as they are on so many issues. 20 percent of Catholics were for the ban because it is the loudest most annoying sound on Earth, eight percent of Catholic were against the Pope’s condemnation while the rest had never watched a soccer match so had no idea what a Vuvuzela was.
So vehement is the outrage against the Pope’s stringent ban that a new group was established called “Catholics for Vuvuzelas.” The group, which already has 453 Facebook friends, is believed to be a splinter group of “Catholics for Free Choice.” The headline banner of the site reads “My Lips, My Choice.”
“The Pope has no right to decree that I can’t use a….whatever that thing is,” said one woman who was raised Catholic. “It’s bad enough that the Pope wants to tell us what we can do in our bedroom but to tell us what musical instruments we can use? No way.”
When asked if she thought she’d go to Hell for using a vuvuzela she asked, “What’s Hell? I’m not familiar with that term.”
One church in California was intending to hold a Teen vuvuzela Mass playing the song catalogue of Peter, Paul and Mary but they cancelled the Mass because the guitarists and tambourine players who typically play at the Teen Mass felt slighted and many other said that the vuvuzela was the most annoying sound in the world.
One Teen Mass coordinator said that he believes if someone feels they can get closer to God by using a vuvuzela then they should use it. “Who is the Pope to outlaw someone’s spiritual free expression, man?”
He said he went to see his pastor shortly after the shocking announcement and his priest told him that everyone must ultimately follow their own conscience when it comes to vuvuzelas.
A spokesperson for the United Nations said they may consider funding the distribution of vuvuzelas to Third World countries. Of course, they’ll also put condoms inside.