I attended a funeral recently of a man I used to work with. Something happened there that got me thinking. I can’t tell you how many Catholic funerals I’ve been to where I was assured that the deceased was with God in Heaven. And I wonder, why do we say this.
Here’s the thing. Those in Purgatory need prayers. Lots of them. So we need people to pray, not be assured that their loved one is in Heaven.
Why do we take the players off the field just when they’re needed? Here’s what I want you guys to say at my funeral:
Matt Archbold was fairly despicable at times. He was meaner than he was kind, proud of his humility, and not all that nice to his family or friends. Vain. Sarcastic. Selfish. While these may be qualites of a good blogger, they do not bode well for sainthood.
We have no reason to suspect that Matt Archbold is in Heaven. In fact, I’d just about guarantee he’s not. If God in his infinite mercy somehow allowed Matthew to enter Purgatory it would be a reflection of His mercy rather than any attributes Matt evidenced throughout his life.
Let us all assume, to be safe, that Matthew is in the bottom rung of Purgatory. Matthew’s fingernails are firmly dug into a cliff at the furthest edge of the Purgatory city limits and he’s hanging on there, his little feet dangling over Hell.
And the only way you can get him out of there and nearer to Heaven is through your prayers. Pray now. Pray on the ride home. Pray when you get home. Pray. Pray. Pray for days, weeks, and years to come. Please pray.
Matthew’s salvation depends on you so even though Matthew has surely disappointed God and everyone he ever knew. Please don’t disappoint him. He needs your prayers.
On the way out of Church, please sign up for the phone bank so you too can volunteer to call anyone who ever knew Matt to remind them to pray for him. Or you can sign up to go door to door asking people in your neighborhood to pray for Matt on a daily basis at around 6 p.m. (around dinnertime because that was Matt’s favorite time of the day.) Please have some Masses said. Lots of them.
So vehement was Matt on this point he has instructed us to lock you all in the Church for 24 hours. After 24 hours of diligent prayer you will be allowed to leave after signing your promissory note to pray often for Matt’s soul. That promissory note will be considered a legal contract and be notarized. If you fail to live up to your contract you will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
In short, please pray as if Matthew’s soul depended on it. Because it does.
January 31, 2011 at 3:23 am
YES YES YES….and one more YES
I love purgatory (I'm not a theologian- so I call it heaven's waiting room)
January 31, 2011 at 3:26 am
Funny, I've been saying this for years. PLEASE do not eulogize me, PRAY for me. Preach the Gospel to the living, because I'm dead and all my choices are made.
January 31, 2011 at 3:27 am
I'm having a copy of this added to my will, right under the part about which rap songs I want played at my funeral.
January 31, 2011 at 3:29 am
Thank you, Matt! This is really good stuff.
January 31, 2011 at 3:31 am
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January 31, 2011 at 3:45 am
For years I prayed to God to rid me of my acme. Then I went to a demonologist, he gave me a prescription. I no longer have acme.
For years I prayed, I'd be rich. I played the lottery. Nothing happened. Then I earned a degree from a reputable university. I got a promotion and now I earn a decent salary.
For years I attended Sunday mass, praying to God my life would get better. Then one day instead of attending Mass, I took a elderly blind man shopping every Sunday for an hour. I felt a lot better about myself. I still take him shopping.
I learned not to be a follower, but a doer. I realize some people must be follower and pray, but not me.
January 31, 2011 at 3:52 am
Exactly how I feel! I hope my blog outlives me, because I explicitly stated my wishes there.
Basically…
1. Pray for me
2. Don't eulogize me at the funeral (a Facebook fan page would be enough)
4. Lots of incense
5. No "Eagles Wings" or I'm coming back to haunt you
January 31, 2011 at 3:55 am
Thanks for posting this Matt! A good reminder to pray for the deceased!
Jimmy, your post caught my eye – how did you know that your acme was caused by a demon? I'm glad to hear you found the appropriate professional to help you take care of it. Perhaps more prayer is in order!
January 31, 2011 at 4:37 am
I have been to some (too many!) funerals lately and it is really disturbing to hear that the deceased was a 'saint' and is 'in heaven'. I know at least one woman who would was very devout and would have been horrified to hear herself described this way.
I think people (even priests) say these things to try to make the living feel better, but frankly they just sound so foolish, esp. when the dead was MOST CERTAINLY NOT a saint.
For our family funerals, we have been fortunate enough to have been allowed the requiem mass where the entire purpose is to pray for the soul of the dead rather than make the living 'feel better'. And funny thing, the requiem does have that exact effect anyway.
Nice post, Thanks!
January 31, 2011 at 4:41 am
"Matthew's salvation depends on you …"
No, it doesn't. If you're in Purgatory, your salvation is assured. Our prayers for the Church suffering are for the purpose of bringing to a quicker end their suffering by offering our prayers and sacrifices, as deficient as they are, for their sakes. Everyone in Purgatory is already saved and an heir to the Kingdom. Statements like this perpetuate a mis-understanding of the doctrine of Purgatory among Catholics and non-Catholics alike.
Jimmy, your lack of understanding of Christian prayer and spirituality is shaky ground for arguing your freedom from co-dependancy. If you don't know how to use a tool, it doesn't make you look smarter to those who do by claiming you don't need it after all.
January 31, 2011 at 5:03 am
Your post reminded me of a situation within my own family.
My father instructed my cousin that when he died she was to walk into the wake and in a loud voice exclaim, "Whadda ya mourning for? The SOB is finally dead!"
Unfortunately she was unable to make it.
But the intention was there.
January 31, 2011 at 5:13 am
And for goodness sake, we do NOT become ANGELS when we die!
Susan
January 31, 2011 at 6:37 am
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January 31, 2011 at 6:38 am
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets aggravated by this.
It really rubs me the wrong way when people are "canonized" at there funeral.
I would had to ever tell a priest what to say in a homily, but I believe in this once instance, at my funeral, it would be fitting to leave a written request urging the priest to implore intercessory prayer, and to ask that people do not presume me to be in heaven.
January 31, 2011 at 8:50 am
One's salvation is not dependent on prayers while in Purgatory.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church says (emphasis mine):
1030 All who die in God's grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven.
1031 The Church gives the name Purgatory to this final purification of the elect, which is entirely different from the punishment of the damned.
This is great news. Prayer is NOT the only way out of Purgatory. Those in Purgatory are assured of heaven.
We pray to speed up the process of purification:
1475 In the communion of saints, "a perennial link of charity exists between the faithful who have already reached their heavenly home, those who are expiating their sins in purgatory and those who are still pilgrims on earth. between them there is, too, an abundant exchange of all good things." In this wonderful exchange, the holiness of one profits others, well beyond the harm that the sin of one could cause others. Thus recourse to the communion of saints lets the contrite sinner be more promptly and efficaciously purified of the punishments for sin.
Rather than telling family and friends to pray for your endangered salvation while in Purgatory, ask them to pray that you will more quickly be united with God in heaven.
January 31, 2011 at 9:51 am
Why be so selfish Matt, you bast@$d!
How about:
Matt's in hell. Don't pray for him, pray for yourselves! 'cause you're all, everyone of you, going to join him there if you don't get right with Christ! Do it NOW!
I think Jesus would smile on you for that one.
January 31, 2011 at 10:45 am
LOL! I love this post.
January 31, 2011 at 11:52 am
Outstanding!
January 31, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I don't have to worry about being canonized at my funeral. If my brother continues his journey to the priesthood (which is very likely), it is he who will say my funeral mass (if he outlives me). If that is the case, there will be no sappiness or canonization – just laughter. My ornery little brother will tease and poke fun at me even when I'm dead. And if he does, I'll ask permission to leave purgatory so I can kick him in the shin!
I think I'll request one of his brother priests say the mass for my brother's sake and mine!
January 31, 2011 at 2:14 pm
If anyone is editing comments, the one by Anonymous (5th post from the top) contains a link to a site containing pornographic stories and pictures. FYI…