Former atheist Jen Fulwiler has essentially dared us to come up with activities for atheists to do during Atheist Pride Week. She wrote, “I’ll leave it to the Archbolds to come up with some witty suggestions for how one might celebrate A Week.”
As you know, CMR does not back down from challenges so…(pause for drama)… Here’s CMR’s official Top Ten List of Activities for Atheists During Atheist Pride Week.
1) Invite your atheist friends over, rent the entire Ricky Gervais’ movie catalogue from Netflix, and discuss why someone so brilliant and atheisty can’t make a good movie. (Makes for a nice early night!)
2) Come up with excuses why it’s irrelevant that atheist utopias always end up with lots of dead people.
3) Figure out how to convince doctor you have glaucoma so you can get medical marijuana.
4) Attend nihilist convention in an ill lit ballroom and stare into the nothingness while listening to REM’s “Everybody Hurts” and inhaling your glaucoma medicine.
5) Do nothing. Nothing matters anyway.
6) Talk with other atheists about how brave you are to be atheists.
7) Troll Catholic blogs all day (just like you do every day) leaving nasty comments and sign off feeling superior while inhaling your glaucoma medicine.
8) Go to Whole Foods for a nice organic feast to celebrate atheism called A-Whole.
9) Attend conference at Berkeley entitled, “Misunderstood Mao.”
10) Declare war on Libya.
11) Tell my mother she’s like totally dumb or something for believing in God and then slam the door on the way back to my room in the basement. (What? It’s got a separate entrance.)
If you’d like to add your own activities, please feel free in the combox.
March 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm
When the hound of Heaven scratches at the door, kick him (Him?) and call Animal Control.
March 23, 2011 at 3:14 pm
Hah!
March 23, 2011 at 3:22 pm
2,5,6 & 9 are my favorites – this blog makes me smile!
March 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Post stories about religious people who embarrass their coreligionists (and indeed all decent people). Mention how typical their behavior is of all religious people.
March 23, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Hey, another cheap shot at REM's "Everybody Hurts!"
Y'know what? You probably DO have friends dead of AIDS, or living with AIDS, they just don't tell you because they know you would turn your back on them if you found out.
March 23, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Dutchman- come one- everybody loves Everybody Hurts… 🙂
to celebrate 'A Week'- file a lawsuit against the USA for printing In God We Trust on currency everyone is forced to use
March 23, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I'd suggest, "Call your earthly father and forgive him for the ways he hurt you" but then they wouldn't need another A week next year.
March 23, 2011 at 5:06 pm
This post is everything I dreamed it could be.
March 23, 2011 at 5:29 pm
Go to the chiropractor, to counter the effects of a lifetime of patting yourself on the back.
March 23, 2011 at 5:30 pm
File a law suit against a 5 year old girl with pigtails who while in art class at school draws a picture of Jesus. And sue the school. And petition to have the art teacher fired. And make sure the parents go through some class that teaches "tolerance."
March 23, 2011 at 6:17 pm
(1) (This has actually happened before unfortunately. Don't *know* about being an Atheist perp., but there were bumper stickers as described.) Buy dozens of Coexist, Tolerance, Respect, and Fiction bumper stickers. Put them on your fellow Atheists car and your own. Then you and your fellows scare some 40-Days-of-Lifers while pulling into Pl. Par.
(2) Write very nasty things
(randomly even) about former-best-Atheist Dawkins at your fellow Atheists' Facebook pages, your own page, and everywhere you comment all week. Freedom is as freedom does.
March 23, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Dutchman
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
What does that song have to do with AIDS?
Did I miss a memo?
March 23, 2011 at 6:47 pm
Thank you.
Needed it-especially since the national convention is being held right here in America's Heartland (Iowa). Downtown. In front of the Cathedral.
I am especially fond of numbers 7 and 8.
March 23, 2011 at 7:03 pm
You've forgotten: "Making Recipes from the John Paul Sartre Cookbook"
"October 10
I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional dishes, in an effort to somehow express the void I feel so acutely. Today I tried this recipe:
Tuna Casserole.
Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish.
Directions: Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing the oven and sit in it forever. Think about how hungry you are. When night falls, do not turn on the light.
While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its inapplicability to the bourgeois lifestyle. How can the eater recognize that the food denied him is a tuna casserole and not some other dish? I am becoming more and more frustrated."
http://madelyn.utahgoth.net/links/jeanpaulsatrecookbook.html
March 23, 2011 at 7:04 pm
Criticize religious believers for not solving the problems that you're not solving.
March 23, 2011 at 7:05 pm
To play off a few of your own…..
Berate religion as the opiate of the masses. Consume mass amounts of opiates.
March 23, 2011 at 10:03 pm
I love you guys. I laughed. Thanks.
March 24, 2011 at 12:55 am
by celebrating all unalienable rights endowed by our Creator of Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
March 24, 2011 at 2:32 am
Sit around and berate each and every religion for believing in God. Wait a minute berate every religion except Judaism because the last thing they want to be accused of is anti-semitism. Might as well skip right over Islam as well because they would be afraid somebody might kill them. Throw all the eastern religions in the "do not discuss" pile as well because they don't want to be called racist.
So basically, sit around and berate Christianity, especially Catholicism. They're mostly white folks and it's ok to poke fun at them and Christians are not likely to behead anybody anyway so it's a pretty safe b!tch session.
March 24, 2011 at 3:02 am
Having faith that inanimate things created animate things while ridiculing others who believe in the Creator.