An ex-hooker is held up as expert on love by likes of the New York Times, Marie Claire and Cosmopolitan.

No wonder we’re screwed.

So what does Miss missing-britches ( aka Tracy Quan) have to say is the biggest problem facing modern couples? All those darn rules.

We have the ability to invent our own rules, but have yet to outgrow the primitive desire to break rules, which goes back to a time when people had less romantic and sexual freedom, less control over their lives. Some of the most liberated individuals get tripped up by relationship rules that originate in that time and we can’t always see it. As the Love Guru at Expert Insight, I want people to break rules without breaking hearts or destroying lives—and I know it can be done.

Right, right. Its those darn rules that lead to single parents, abuse, objectification, and abortion. Darn those rules.

And as advice to all you young ladies out there. “Figure out which novel you’re in. Play it to the hilt. …Collecting male characters to enhance your novel is more fun.”

Yes, yes. That seems like a good idea. Collect men (and STDs).

We’re doomed.