Vegetarians around the planet were horrified to learn today that the popular Thanksgiving dish for vegetarians called Tofurkey doesn’t actually derive from the vegetarian bean curd known as Tofu but from a very small and extraordinarily cute endangered species called the Tofurkey.
This is the first photo of a Tofurkey taken at a farm in Rhode Island just moments before it was skinned, torn limb from limb, had its eyes removed while still alive, and was finally dipped in boiling oil.
A tofurkey farm is not a typical farm. The tofurkey is extraordinarily cute and very inexpensive to keep because they’re fed exclusively by hugs and smiles. “That’s all they need,” said one tofurkey farmer. “And they’ve got these huge expressive eyes that melt your heart.” It’s those expressive eyes that make “slaughter season” very hard for tofurkey owners.
Most tofurkeys spend their days playing with balloons, blowing bubbles, and singing in high pitched angelic voices. “They don’t speak English or nothing but sometimes just listenin’ to ’em makes me think about puppies and angels,” said one tofurkey owner.
The misunderstanding for vegetarians originated because of the similarities between the names Tofurkey and Tofu. One Tofurkey farmer said he never lied about where Tofurkey came from but he’s glad to profit from the misunderstanding. “I think those wacky vegetarians just wanted to believe they were eating Tofu and I wasn’t about to tell ’em no different.”
He said that back when his “product” began doing brisk business he wondered why. “I know those little cute tofurkeys don’t really taste so good so I wondered why so many people was eating ’em. But hey, who am I to complain?”
Vegans and vegetarians have been shocked and horrified at the discovery of this Tofurkey farm. “Every time I ate Tofurkey on Thanksgiving I felt so principled and better than everyone else,” said one vegetarian. “I’m going to miss that feeling.”
(Originally posted on a previous Thanksgiving but I think I’m funny so I put it back up.)
November 25, 2011 at 12:38 am
(Originally posted on a previous Thanksgiving but I think I'm funny so I put it back up.)I told my priest in the confessional that I wanted to be a comedienne but he did not laugh. Very funny… and delightful as your writing always lifts and informs. Since I am a newcomer, this is the first time reading it for me and I will pass it along.
November 25, 2011 at 1:43 pm
The unborn baby "was skinned, torn limb from limb, had its eyes removed while still alive, and was finally dipped in boiling oil"…or the garbage can, a medical waste pan or frozen like at High Street in Elkton, Md where 32 babies aged 8 1/2 months and seven months were found frozen in an abortionist's freezer. What is so horrific added insult to injury is that tax dollars paid thouands upon thousands of tax dollars to have these little people torn apart, limb from limb while still alive, in all their precious innocence and unalienable endowed rights…Aborted babies are used in cosmetics, shampoos, medicine and the food inducatry where aborted baby kidney cells are used by Senomyx to test flavors for Kraft, Pepsi and the like. We are wearing our crimes on our faces as though Planned Paretnehood could hide it. The National Institute of Health has a link on its website to a catalogue where one can order baby body parts. Hitler did not have the means to do all this so he made soap, wallets and lampshades from human beings, enter Roe v. Wade. are you sickened yet??? I am. Depravity, God have mercy.
(I am going to press the post button even though everything in me says NO.
November 25, 2011 at 3:29 pm
@anonymous: put up your links, please. Before I start diseminating this info I want to be sure of it. (not that I doubt you but hard evidence is better.)
Anonymous NY Reader
November 25, 2011 at 4:04 pm
@anonymous again,
Just found all the info re: the Senomyx use of aborted fetal cells to develop flavor enhancers in food and beverage products.
http://www.cogforlife.org/
Still can't locate the NIH's link to the catalog you mention but maybe you can help..?
Anonymous NY Reader
November 26, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Hopefully the information to a link will be forthcoming. It is decades old, but this leopard does not change its spots. Doing the research.
November 27, 2011 at 11:32 pm
@Anonymous: The link is CatholicCulture.org. The title: Dead Baby Body Parts A Booming Business from The Wanderer by Paul Likoudis Sept. 30, 1999. Item 1237. Thanks. Proceed with caution. This is really bad.
November 27, 2011 at 11:34 pm
@Anonymous NY Reader: The link is above
November 27, 2011 at 11:39 pm
Dead Baby Parts Business Booming is the correct title by Paul Likoudis
December 1, 2011 at 1:17 am
Dear Anonymous, thanks so much for this link. I intend to use this info for a prolife apologetics class I'm giving to a group of high school students. I don't know how God can be so patient with us for as long as He has….
Anonymous NY Reader
December 1, 2011 at 2:16 am
@Anonymous: The babies plead for us before the face of God.