OK. What were the rest of you doing during the yearlong lockdown? I thought “Netflix and chill” was a euphemism. No?
There’s all these theories as to why ancient civilizations fell. Seriously, there’s been like thousands of papers and books on why Rome fell. The History Channel seems to think it was aliens but let’s not discuss that right now. One thing everyone agrees on is that one of the primary reasons for Rome’s collapse is people stopped having children.
I don’t mean to get too technical here but if you stop having people there’s eventually going to stop being a civilization. #notrocketscience. But seriously, sexual liberation leads to family disintegration. Once the family is on shaky ground people no longer want to have many children. Makes sense, right?
I’m not even bringing up the economic aspect that we’re borrowing trillions from the next generation which we’re not actually having. All in all, this is a disaster.
NNY360 reports: The number of U.S. homes with a married couple and kids fell to a record low, according to new government data, as the pandemic further delayed weddings and more adults don’t plan to have kids at all.
The share of the U.S.’s 130 million households headed by married parents with children under age 18 fell to 17.8% in 2021 from 18.6% last year, according to the Census Bureau. That’s down from more than 40% in 1970.
By absolute numbers, there are just 23.1 million homes with nuclear families, the fewest since 1959, the data show.
The pandemic delayed many marriages over the past two years, adding six months to a woman’s age at first marriage — the most since 1987 — to now 28.6 years. In the 1950s and ‘60s, women typically married at 20.4 years of age and 22.8 years for men.
Births have generally been on the decline as Americans are marrying later in life, which has grown more pronounced in the pandemic. The U.S. fertility rate fell to 55.4 births per 1,000 in the second quarter from 58.5 in the same period of 2019, data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed Friday.
There is no social or political tweak that can remedy this. The only answer is Christ. That’s it. A mass conversion can save this country. That’s all. Every other way ends in war, poverty, and despair.
December 6, 2021 at 10:20 am
Have you considered a couple of facts: 1. Those 50’s early marriages caused the divorce boom of the 60’s and 70’s and 2. Those parents raised the Boomers whom you blame for everything wrong with the world.
Face it, traditional marriages was a lousy deal for women. We got one very big abusive toddler with anger issues who blamed us for every flaw in his life AND we were expected to be constantly pregnant AND would take the blame for everything our kids did that others thought was wrong. We had no power to actually affect anything but we sure were given the blame for every tiny problem. Even now, I’ll bet you only blame men for being insufficiently brutal patriarchs.
You want more marriages and more kids? Teach men to do housework and be attractive spouses. Make them listen to women and apply the lessons they learn. Teach them to look for something other than what she looks like. Teach them no woman owes them a damned thing, not her attention, not sex, not food, NADA. (And he owes her nothing, either.) Marriage is a partnership. If he’s a good partner he’ll have no problem.
December 6, 2021 at 11:26 am
So first off, if early marriages in the 50’s were the cause of a divorce boom, than why didn’t we see even higher divorce rates in the early 1900’s and 1800’s when average marriage ages were even lower? I think if we review historical facts, we’ll see that the divorce boom wasn’t caused by earlier marriages, but by the sexual revolution during the 60’s and 70’s. Since that time the average marriage age, rate of divorce, and rate of pre-marital cohabitation have all risen in correlation with each other, with a corresponding drop in fertility rates. This is also why we see a higher rate of successful, happy marriages and higher fertility rates among religious groups who have largely rejected the sexual revolution and held to traditional morals.
As far as your other points go, I would recommend that instead of assuming Matt Archbold’s positions, you take a quick couple minutes to actually read what he has to say on the matter. You say “I’ll bet you only blame men for being insufficiently brutal patriarchs” but if you would read his other writings, you would easily see this is not true.
In fact, most of the points in your last paragraph are perfectly valid, and are the same as what Matt and most other orthodox Catholic writers are calling for. They (as well as myself and virtually all other traditionally-minded Christians that I know) absolutely recognize the fact that men are largely to blame for the current crisis in family life. The sexual revolution was largely instigated by men (such as Alfred Kinsey, to name one of the most influential and notorious, though sadly not widely known by most people nowadays) and many of the laws that went with it, like the legalization of contraception, abortion, etc., where put into place by courts and legislatures that were entirely or mostly male (Roe v. Wade, for instance, was decided by an all-male court.)
On the more practical level, you are 100 percent correct in saying that men need to learn better that marriage means being willing to sacrifice and give of themselves in service to their wife and children, and not something that obligates their wife to serve and give pleasure to them. Also of paramount importance, as you state, is that men learn to see women as more that objects of sexual pleasure, and to look for more in them than physical attractiveness. It seems to me that the sexual revolution and the move away from traditional marriage has harmed, not helped, in this regard. After all, if you’re going to commit your life to living with someone, their character and virtue are going to matter a lot more to you, since you’ll still be together once the charm and beauty of youth have faded.
On that note, I would submit to you as a final point that I think you are being a bit hasty in blaming traditional marriage for the problems you have correctly pointed out. Traditional marriage has existed for thousands of years across countless societies, and I don’t think a careful reading of history will indicate that women were treated worse than otherwise by societies that embraced traditional marriage. Unfortunately, since men are physically stronger than women, in any society where men believe than their life is more about satisfying their own desires than about loving and serving others, it is going to end up than women will be taken advantage of and treated horribly, marriage or no marriage. However, far from being a “lousy deal” for women, marriage would often provide at least some degree of protection for women, to at least keep them from being left to shoulder the burden of raising children alone, or taken advantage of by men who would dump them and move on to younger women once they started to show their age.
Even if we can’t agree on traditional marriage, though, I believe that we can at least agree that if our society is to have a chance, more men need to learn that life in general, and particularly building a relationship with a woman, is not about getting pleasure for oneself out of it, but about giving of oneself in service to another, and hopefully, in service of one’s children as well. I would really encourage you to take the time to read more of traditional-minded Catholic writers like Matt Archbold, and not just assume their opinions based on negative caricatures the media gives of them. I think you’ll find that you have a lot more to agree with them on than you expect (yes, even that men need to learn to do more housework! ;D)
December 7, 2021 at 9:57 pm
Andrew…you weren’t supposed to blend data science and facts with feminist dogma. But seeing as how you did…thanks. Now I’m better educated/ prepared for Christmas with my family:-)
December 6, 2021 at 6:24 pm
I just want to say, you are everything that is wrong with the feminist, leftist culture. As a woman who had to grow up in your dystopian fantasy world, let me acquaint you with the fact that women have a much worse life today than in the fifties, and not only women, but children also. Thanks “Karen”.
December 7, 2021 at 6:28 am
I think you misunderstand the very nature of marriage when you assert that neither party owes the other anything. In fact, true marriage is the total commitment of one man and one woman to the other. A husband belongs to his wife and she to him – you commit all that you are, all that you have to the other. That is what love is – holding back nothing.
December 9, 2021 at 1:18 pm
Hmmmmm… where to begin?
“traditional marriages was a lousy deal for women. We got one very big abusive toddler with anger issues who blamed us for every flaw in his life AND we were expected to be constantly pregnant AND would take the blame for everything our kids did that others thought was wrong.”
I am sorry that you apparently had a horrible marriage. They do exist and the consequenes are devastating. My “boomer” parents (aged 80 and 77) just celebrated 59 years of marriage. That makes my dad 21 and my mom 18 when they were married. NOTHING in my growing up years reflects what you describe above. You made the classic mistake of projecting a personal experience onto a generalized population. In fact, my TLM parish is FILLED with many, many older “boomer” couples that have been married for five+ decades and their marriages don’t reflect your view, either.
“You want more marriages and more kids? Teach men to do housework…” My husband and I have been married for 25 years and have been blessed with eight children. He does ZERO housework. We both believe that his job outside of the home (where he makes 100% of our income) is his job and my job inside our home is my job. This has worked beautifully. I do not expect him to work 8+ hours every day to provide an amazing life for his family, then have to do dishes in the evening. And we remained open to life, but God stopped at eight children.
“If he’s a good partner he’ll have no problem.” Is he marrying the Blessed Virgin Mary? No? Then he’ll have problems because no woman is perfect. We are all sinners who fall short of the glory of God. There will ALWAYS be problems in every human relationship because we are human. The difference between marriages that last and those that end in divorce is not because one of them consists of perfect people with no problems; it’s the mindset and the commitment. Holy matrimony is a sacrament and therefore a means of grace. Marriage, like parenting, is something that can only succeed if you do it on your knees.
December 11, 2021 at 3:27 pm
You are a doormat. Your husband would have to have a job regardless of his marital status, but since he’s purchased a sex-and-sandwich robot by marrying you, he no longer has to do one more single solitary inconvenient thing in his life.
I will make a very large bet that NONE of your kids mimic your marriage.
December 16, 2021 at 8:32 am
Having personally known many families who willingly and lovingly embrace and live out traditional marriage like Jennifer does, I can assure you that’s a bet you’re almost certain to lose. I was raised by traditional Catholic parents, and know dozens of families who were as well, and in my own life and the life of my friends I typically see that the second generation tend to turn out, if anything, MORE traditionally oriented then their parents.
But stepping back for a minute, what makes you so angry about this? I don’t personally think that a wife has the obligation to take on ALL housework herself (and with 8 children, no offence to her, but I have to suspect that Jennifer may be exaggerating when she says her husband does ZERO work in the house) but if a man and woman decide that works for them, why should that offend you? Even if you don’t believe in the supernatural benefits of loving and serving to that degree, just on the material level, a man has to commit the lion’s share of his wages and of his freedom and spare time outside of work in order to feed, clothe, and shelter a wife and 8 kids, so if a woman decides that’s worth it to her to do housework all day in exchange, why does that make her a robot? Do you not realize that many women find genuine joy and fulfillment in raising and caring for their children full-time?
December 6, 2021 at 11:28 am
Wow! Karen, you have a real burr with marriage. I pray it isn’t from a bad experience.
I would disagree with you on several points. I do not believe women were ever looked upon as baby machines. I for one do housework, always have. I was taught that by my Dad.
My wife of 41 years died in August and I will tell you that she was the greatest little lady ever! All she wanted was to be a mom and wife and she did both very well!
The traditional marriage is all that will save this world. Is it always perfect? No, nothing on earth is.
Have a blessed day!