HELL – In a rare, dimly lit press conference held in the ninth circle’s break room, the Prince of Darkness, better known as Satan, Lucifer, or that guy everyone’s always blaming, officially announced he is stepping back from the spotlight to “focus on personal matters and recharge my eternal batteries.”

“It just seems now that every awards show, every Olympic opening ceremony, and every major music concert, I’m being asked to be there,” Satan said, adjusting his horns wearily while sipping black coffee from a “World’s Worst Boss” mug. “Look, I never grow tired of shaking my fist at our Creator. That’s kinda’ my brand but as a PR strategy, I think I need to step out of the limelight for a while. The constant exposure is killing my mystique.”

Sources close to the Great Adversary, speaking on condition of anonymity because they still have to return to work on Monday, say the evil one genuinely misses the old days of lurking in shadows, whispering subtle temptations, and orchestrating quiet moral collapses without anyone noticing.

“All the fun of it’s gone,” one longtime minion reportedly told colleagues over brimstone lattes. “He’s become a victim of his own success. Back in medieval times, you could ruin a kingdom for centuries and no one even tweeted about it. Now everything’s pinned on him immediately.”

PR firms advising the Father of Lies have warned that overexposure risks tying him permanently to this particularly chaotic era. “Everything is Satan right now,” said one colleague in the music industry who asked to remain nameless but whose playlist is suspiciously full of trap beats about selling souls. “The mystery is completely gone. I mean, the elites are out here openly eating children and it doesn’t even make the news anymore. That’s how normalized he is. He’s basically background noise.”

Another said there hasn’t been a musical concert in a decade and a half that hasn’t featured satanic imagery or a pentagram. Satan still reportedly kicks himself for not copyrighting that image earlier.

Industry insiders say Satan plans to spend his sabbatical working on a memoir tentatively titled The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Damn (Anymore), possibly launching a line of minimalist temptation candles (“Scented with Despair and Just a Hint of Vanilla”), and taking long, contemplative walks through abandoned malls.

When asked if this hiatus means evil will take a break, Satan chuckled darkly. “Oh, please. Evil doesn’t need me to show up in person every time. I’ve got middle management for that. Besides, half the stuff people blame on me these days is just humans being humans. I’m basically on vacation already.”

As he concluded the brief statement, the Lord of Flies faded back into the shadows with a dramatic puff of smoke though witnesses noted it smelled faintly of burnt popcorn and disappointment, which oddly smelled similar to recent screenings of Wuthering Heights.

CMR will continue monitoring the situation.

Update: There’s no truth to the rumor, that Satan plans to start a TikTok as business insiders say there would be no way for the evil one to differentiate himself there.