If ever you’re walking around feeling sorry for yourself, STOP! You’re having a good day because you’re not getting chased by a bear or run over by a car in a hit and run. At the same time! Not everyone can say that. According to Mercury News:

A pregnant woman was running from a bear when she darted into the road and was struck by a car, said the Colorado Springs Police Department…

Swendsen was taken to Memorial Hospital and is in stable condition.

Officer Robert Patterson of the Falcon Division said he doesn’t know how the chase began but that bears frequently use drainage ditches in the area as a crossing.

Police and the Department of Wildlife located the bear and tranquilized it. If Swendsen identifies it as the one that chased her, it will be destroyed.

Police also are searching for the driver who hit the woman and did not stop.

So let’s get this straight. There’s going to be some kind of bear lineup where she has to pick the offending bear out. How does something like that work? That would seem difficult to control.

And the bear’s going to get “destroyed” while the person who hit and run our heroine is nowhere to be found. I say put him in the lineup with the bears. Kind of a last meal for the bear on Death Row.

(The CMR theology department reminds me that CMR doesn’t support the death penalty but was stumped when I asked about a fair cage match between the driver and the bear. So far, there’s seems to be no papal instructions on that but they’re searching the archives. Maybe Nancy Pelosi knows something Augustine said about this. But the CMR Theology department also reminded me we would not be allowed to gamble on the event which really takes the fun out of the whole thing so just forget it.)

Anyway, I think this bear just needs a good lawyer. Maybe the bear was just chasing her to tell her not to run out in traffic and was misunderstood.

But the point is that stop feeling sorry for yourself. It’s the weekend and you’re not being chased by a man eating bear or run over.