Vladimir Putin seems to believe every problem facing Russia can be solved with B-level western celebrities.

You might recall that Putin recently brought in Boyz II Men to sing some mad sexy doo-wop that would put the ladies in the mood and inspire women to have more babies. No word on how that went but empty maternity wards are standing by.

I didn’t think it could get sillier than that but it just did.

Time Mag reports:

Russian President Vladimir Putin has enlisted Hollywood action man Steven Seagal to help him promote a return to Soviet-era fitness.

The unlikely pair opened a new martial arts center outside Moscow on Wednesday, reports Reuters, to kick off Putin’s attempt to bring back a mass physical training program first introduced in the 1930s under Joseph Stalin.

“Children should become strong, they should be healthy, love sports and have an opportunity to practice them, should know how to defend themselves, their loved ones, their family. Ultimately, they should be able to defend their motherland.”

Yes. Look at this fat gluttonous Hollywood has-been. Doesn’t he inspire you to get fit?

I guess if Putin was holding Seagal up as a “Before” picture, it might make sense. I mean, this guy doesn’t look like Fat Elvis. He looks like he ate Fat Elvis.

If he wanted fitness, he could’ve called Stallone or Van Damme. But Seagal is not your guy. Now, if it were punch someone in the throat day, Seagal is your guy.

You know, this would all be a lot funnier if Russia didn’t have nukes.