A liberal Catholic group named “Leaders for Unification of Non-Ordained Associates Together In Christ”(LUNATIC) held a hastily called press conference this morning in order to be the first group to call for ordination of extraterrestrials, which the “Vatican” recently said it’s OK to believe in.
The group congratulated themselves for being first and then criticized other liberal groups for not being as liberal as they are.
“If our extraterrestrial brothers come here, we believe they should be ordained if they wish,” said LUNATIC Spokesperson Sister Lucy, who herself is a lesbian priest in an unrecognized offshoot of the Church. (She was ordained in the break room at Wal-Mart) “The Bible doesn’t say anything against aliens and it certainly doesn’t tell us they can’t become priests. So what can the Church say to that? Huh?”
Asked what would happen if the aliens were intent on destroying the Earth and eating all of its inhabitants, Sister Lucy said that the aliens couldn’t do worse than what the Church has done to women these past 2,000 years.
Other liberal Catholic groups like Voice of the Faithful and Call To Action held press conferences shortly after saying how angry they were with themselves for not coming out for alien ordination earlier. But they criticized LUNATIC for calling the extraterrestrials “aliens” saying it was a derogatory term.
But all three groups joined together in condemning Pope Benedict for not bringing up this “important civil-rights issue” during his trip last month to America. Polls do indicate that the Church lags far behind other denominations in accepting other planet’s potential cultures.