The day after a prominent fundraiser and friend of Sen. Barack Obama was convicted Wednesday of fraud and money laundering, Obama stunned the country by denouncing and rejecting the entire city of Chicago and all of its inhabitants, including those in the nearby suburbs.

Earlier in the day, Barack Obama was scheduled to begin his daily scheduled briefing detailing who he was denouncing and rejecting that day. He was reportedly all set to announce he was “saddened” and “disappointed” by his old “acquaintance” Tony Rezko saying this is not the Tony Rezko he knew, not that he ever knew him well at all. He was scheduled to say that even though the two had bought a property together there were some tall bushes which weren’t conducive to conversing so they never knew each other well.

But campaign insiders say that moments before Obama took to the podium to delineate the daily litany of those who “saddened” and “disappointed” him, Obama “blew a gasket” and strode to the podium like a hero of old while mumbling he was going to “handle this once and for all.”

Obama has famously received major criticism for his friends, acquaintances, and mentors in the Windy City including Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Rev. Michael Phleger, former terrorist Michael Ayers and now Rezko. So it shouldn’t be a great surprise that Obama stood at the podium today in his hometown of Chicago and said, “You guys are killing me. You hear me. I denounce and reject all of you. Every one I ever met in this godforsaken city. I’m disappointed, saddened, whatever, you know the spiel.”

But Obama ingeniously turned the tables on political opponents who would point to this as a sign of weakness. Obama said that these trials and tribulations showed his strength and courage because even though throughout his whole life he’d been surrounded by corrupt and crazy people, he persevered and became the greatest political figure in American history.

“It speaks to the amazing faith I have that it survived the lunatic ramblings of the Rev’s Wright and Pfleger, it speaks to my patriotism that I didn’t bomb the Pentagon like my friend…uh… acquaintance Bill Ayers, and it speaks volumes about my intelligence that Tony Rezko has a one way ticket to the Big House and nobody’s puttin’ a glove on me.” Obama said it is these attributes which will help him make America great again.