A study performed by the prestigious CMR Institute of the most difficult jobs to fill – even in these difficult economic times ended in a statistical tie for first place between Al Qaeda’s #2 man and Barack Obama’s Commerce Secretary.
Certainly, the two jobs are very different in that one of them has sworn to destroy America while the other would only destroy the country as a side effect of the administration’s business policies.
President Obama reportedly had the smoothest transition in history but hit a few hiccups when Governor Bill Richardson withdrew because of a pay-for-play scandal investigation and then Senator Judd Gregg withdrew because while he was appointed to Commerce all the actual responsibilities of the job were removed by Obama so he removed himself from consideration.
And now Gary Locke, who is up for the job, will surely come under scrutiny as some news sources have indicated a sordid past of tax breaks to relatives, tax breaks to donors, and fundraising scandals. So Obama might be forced to once again look elsewhere for a Commerce Secretary.
So while the Al Qaedas #2 man typically ends up in pieces on a remote mountainside, at least one former Obama’s Commerce Secretary appointee believes he may have it worse.
“At least it happens fast for the Al Qaeda guy. I mean…boom…and it’s done,” said one former Commerce Secretary appointee who wished to remain anonymous. “Me, I was dragged through the mud. Now, there are investigations and I went from Governor to Presidential candidate to Commerce Secretary to national joke in a few months,” he said. “My career is ruined. I’m mentioned in the same breath as Zoe Baird now. And has anyone see Zoe Baird on the lecture circuit?”
But as bad as things are for Obama, Osama may have it just as bad. One Al Qaeda operative who is rumored to be in line for the #2 job which opened up immediately after the former #2 guy was turned into Chum by a smart bomb in Iraq, said he doesn’t want the vacant job. “I just joined Al Qaeda two months ago for the benefits but everyone above me keeps disappearing or dying so now I’m rumored to be up for the job,” he said. “The only thing I can think to do is bomb the interview. I mean, not literally bomb it. I mean like…pretend like I can’t find America on a map, fail the bomb making part of the interview, and maybe say nice things about former President Bush. I’m desperate.”
Jobs that The CMR Institute found easier to fill than Commerce Secretary and Al Qaeda #2 were:
1) Greeter at the Proctologist’s Office
2) Bible Salesman in Iran
3) Port-a-Potty Maintenance at the annual homemade Chili Cook-off
4) Chicken Sexer
5) A Junior member of a Star Trek away mission wearing a red shirt.